Climate-gate: How to Hide the Decline in Science

OK, so you're a climatologist and some whistler blower published your emails on the internet for all to see. What can you do? Well, you might take a cue from a lying, cheating scumbag whose wife walked in on him and his mistress while they were...(cough)...emitting lots and lots of carbon dioxide.

Here's what the bastard might say to his wife as she pulls a .44 magnum from her purse:

"Honey, this isn't what it looks like..."

Of course, you can't use those exact words, but you can massage them a bit like you do temperature data to achieve the objective of covering your ass:

"Those emails aren't what they seem; they were taken out of context..."

Now the wife isn't stupid. She saw with her own two eyes what the lying, cheating scumbag husband of hers did to his mistress...and the bed sheets. Unfortunately for you, some of the public aren't stupid either--they can read the emails.

The cheating husband will be in for a world of hurt, since the wife is aiming the gun at his privates. Your career could suffer a similar fate if you don't come up with a better line of BS. Here is what the bastard husband might come up with:

"OK, Honey, you win! It IS what it looks like--but...but...but I only cheated on you this one time. Throughout the rest of our marriage I have been faithful to you."

Here again, you can't use those exact words, but you can tweak them like you do the climate data to get the result you want:

"OK...OK...so I manipulated the data--but...but...but all the other data out there in the greater climatology world is perfectly valid--and it shows that we are all going to die if the world doesn't do what I say...(keep sending grant money, etc.) "

Unfortunately for the lying, cheating husband, he is now a soprano. But you need not worry because some members of the public are gullible--they won't check the other data because you said it's OK, or better yet, your friends at the drive-by media say it's OK--so it must be OK. Right?

Hopefully the public won't read the following email(s) penned by Kevin Trenberth:

"Where's the global warming?"

"The fact that we can't account for the lack of warming at the moment and it's a travesty that we can't...Our observing system is inadequate."

If the public reads the above, clearly they will not buy the line that there is all this "great data" out there somewhere that shows the Earth has been warming and that humans are mostly responsible.

I suppose you could argue that Kevin Trenberth had his head up his ass when he wrote his emails, and that is why he could not see all that golden data that surrounded him.

In fact Phil Jones, Michael Mann and company must have been temporarily insane when they tried to "hide the decline" in world temperatures. What decline? Couldn't they see all that golden data from all the respectable astrologers...er...climatologists?

Yeah...yeah...that's the ticket! They were temporarily insane when they wrote those emails...