Clowns VS. Monkeys

Sam quickly lit a Bunsen burner then pushed it over. The lab assistants who had been chasing him switched their attention to the ever increasing fire in the room. Sam took advantage of the opportunity to free the other imprisoned monkeys. As soon as their hatches were sprung, the monkeys wasted no time in freeing their brethren. Before long, all the monkeys were outside the laboratory as it became engulfed in flames.
Sam went back into the building to free Brohit. Technically Brohit was not a monkey; he was a 500 pound mountain gorilla. The other monkeys had heard of Brohit, a few had even seen him, but none had ever interacted with him as he was held at the other end of the facility.

On his way to the building Sam knew that language would be a problem. Monkeys speak Menkin; Gorillas don't.

Smoke had not reached Brohit's cell by the time Sam arrived. However, Brohit knew there was a problem; he was roaring and shaking the bars of his cage. Same looked Brohit directly in the eye. At this, Brohit became enraged. Then he looked at the latch and then back to Brohit. An unspoken contract was being made. There was a pause, then Brohit nodded his head. As Brohit sprung from his cell, smoke began to fill the room. Sam jumped on Brohit's back and the two went out the door. Soon Sam and Brohit joined the other monkeys in the woods adjacent to the lab. The woods erupted into howls and screams at the sight of their new leader Sam.

The other monkeys did not know what to make of Brohit. They were a little scared of him but they knew that he had been a prisoner just like them. It did not really matter much as all were glad to be free. Sam told them in Menkin, "Aw-ee-oo" which translated means, "Brohit is now our friend". He went on to tell them to keep moving as humans would soon be looking for them.

With haste the monkeys traveled through the night. They eventually settled into a group of trees near a creek close to the Florida-Georgia line. It seemed as good a spot as any so they decided to rest.

In the days that followed a sort of advisory council formed around Sam. Zeek was a high strung "tweeker" monkey but one that was smart and fast. Brohit was, obviously, the brawn of the outfit. Lastly, there were Tic and Tac who were twin albino Macaques. All the monkeys were Macaques of various species except for Brohit.

Unbeknown to the monkeys, they had settled next to a clown school. The clowns had heard of the fire in the next county over, but they did not think much of it; they were too busy "clowning".

The clowns had a council too . . . A cadre of super clowns - wise clowns who were experienced in the dark arts of clowning. There was Beeba who was a "wee clown" (a.k.a. a little person). He had a big read nose and wore suspenders.

Jazz was a "psycho clown" or "killer clown" as they were sometimes known. Years before he had been kicked out of several clown schools. He was reluctantly accepted into this clown school because his uncle, the same clown who started the semi-pro football team the Evil Clowns, donated a large grant to the school. Jazz had rainbow colored, curly hair coming out of the sides of his head.

Also, there was Kanun. Kanun was more of a side kick really. A year earlier he had escaped from the same lab that the other monkeys did. He became a legendary figure to the monkeys but no one knew what happened to him. Eventually, he made his way to the clown school, donned a colorful jump suit and became a "circus monkey".

Juju was an old clown with a pink mullet. At first sight Juju was not particularly scary until one realized he was a non-talking clown . . . Almost like a mime. He was mute so he talked with his hands.

Lastly, there was the chairman of the clown high council. Gorko. Gorko was a tall lanky clown. His look resembled that of a 19th century clown. He had a bald head and his face was painted white (all the clowns had white-face except for Beeba). The tip of his nose was black and he wore a tiny hat cocked to the left . . . Truly sinister.

One day Juju was picking flowers when he noticed a gorilla. At first he was scarred and thought to run. Then he noticed the gorilla making some motions with his hands. "It's sign," he said to himself. Juju walked over and began conversing with Brohit. Things were going well when, out of the corner of his eye, Juju could see Jazz charging with a Japanese sword in his hand. Jazz swung at Brohit. Brohit stepped back but he did not completely get out of the way of the blade. The sword ripped across his chest and the wound began to bleed profusely. Promptly, Brohit beat Juju and Jazz to death and made haste back to camp.

All the monkeys saw Brohit stumble into camp. He had learned some Menkin during the short time he was with the monkeys. Before he died he managed to tell the others, "Human, but not human."
What did that mean? They knew someone had to be brave, even psycho, to attack Brohit. They knew trouble was coming.

At the clown school, all the clowns began preparing for war. They knew whoever was tough enough to kill Juju and sword wielding Jazz would not go down easily. But they did not care. Most of the clowns at the school were veterans of "The War of 99". The War of 99 was a clown civil war that took place on the North American continent. It started in the year 1999 (and finished in 2002) hence the name. It pitted the evil clowns against the very evil clowns; the very evil clowns won.

Gorko had made a deal with the local sheriff. In exchange for 1,000 dollars a month, the clowns would be left alone. But there was one rule: no guns or bombs. Rednecks don't take well to gun-totting clowns in their backyard.

However, anything else was fair game. A few had crossbows and blowguns. Of course they were colorful and had tassels . . . In true clown fashion. Some even had pitchforks (as everyone knows clowns are descended from devils) Most, however, carried daggers and fireman's axes. Before going out Gorko gave a pep-talk. In the ancient language of clownish he told them, "Sint hauz traw faw dun dun," which translated means, "Our race will be avenged". With that, the clowns bowed their heads to a picture of the great clown reformer - Pennywise.

Back in the woods, the monkeys were also preparing for war. Primates of all kinds had learned how to make and use weapons from the chimpanzees in Africa. Almost all primates chose not to use weapons - too much like humans. Rocks . . .OK, along with any weapons one's enemy brought into battle. But the rest is off limits. Monkeys have ethics . . . Granted they are savage ethics but they are ethics nonetheless. So, the monkeys ate, drank, slapped each others faces, and hit each other on the chest.

Sam decided to meet whoever head on, so the monkeys followed Brohit's trail of blood to the edge of the woods, but only to the edge . . . The trees are theirs.

The clowns likewise, followed the trail of blood to the woods. They expected to see some drunken teenagers, or maybe some corn-fed farm boys. They did not know their were monkeys in them thar hills.

Upon seeing their first clown, the monkeys knew what Brohit meant when he said, "Human, but not human." They had never seen anything like a clown before; they walked on two legs but were definitely different from the humans.

The clowns followed the trail of blood into the woods. A portly clown named "Ringo" was at the head of the clown army; he was also the first to die.

The circus monkey Kanun went spastic as he knew they were in a trap. They rest of the clowns knew something was wrong but they did not know what. Before they could ascertain the source of Kanun's agitation, the monkeys descended on Ringo. One bit Ringo's hand, the one holding the ax; the other two went for his neck. The rest of the monkeys attacked using the same tactic. The clowns were ambushed.

Kanun tried to make a run for it but he was beaten to death by three other monkeys. It was not a big deal for monkeys to kill monkeys. It happened all the time in the wild. The clowns fought back hard and began to repel the monkeys. One clown mortally wounded Tic with a dart from his blowgun. Gorko threw Zeek so hard against a tree it broke his back. The wee clown Beeba killed several monkeys before being killed himself.

The clowns fought back valiantly, that is if clowns could ever be valiant, but they were on the losing end of a tough battle. A few smart clowns figured out that the monkeys were using the trees with great success, so they decided to retreat.

The monkeys pursued to the very edge of the forest. Several wounded clowns were stranded back further in the woods, and were soon stabbed to death with the daggers of their fallen comrades. Sam lead the monkey charge passed the cover of the woods. Gorko was still bold, taunting the monkeys to fight. The game had changed now that the monkeys did not have the cover of the trees. However, the clowns' numbers had greatly dwindled.

Monkeys began to encircle individual clowns in the grassy field . . . There was a tense pause in the action. A very nervous clown named Booboo kept his would-be attackers at bay with a loaded crossbow. One monkey screamed and that is all it took. Booboo fired his crossbow over the heads of his monkey attackers; he was quickly swarmed.

This emboldened the rest of the monkeys who simply charged their respective clowns. One no-name clown, "no-name" because he was new to the school and no one could remember his name, fell six monkeys before being bit to death. A few clowns dropped their weapons and ran, but they were quickly brought down before reaching the safety of their school.

Gorko managed to keep the monkeys at bay simply because they were afraid of him. He pointed his dagger at them and then his throat to instill even more fear.

Sam locked eyes with Gorko. They both knew the other was his nemesis. Sam had a rock in his hand which he threw at Gorko's head; it missed. Gorko barred his jagged teeth as he laughed.

Little did Gorko know that behind him a monkey, step pyramid had formed. As soon as he finished laughing a monkey named "Ta" leaped from the top of the pyramid onto the back of Gorko's neck. The pyramid monkeys were the first to follow, attacking Gorko's legs . . . Gorko managed to kick off most of the monkeys with his Ronald McDonald shoes.

Sam broke through and ran up Gorko's leg and bit him on the crouch. Gorko let out a yell that originated in the depths of Hades. Soon, Gorko was covered in macaques.

Gorko stabbed one of the monkeys threw its torso with his dagger. But the dagger went straight through the monkey and into Gorko's thigh. Gorko dropped the dagger and began to throw off the monkeys. The monkeys that were not engaged with Gorko finished off the rest of the clowns. The sun began to set on the blood-soaked battlefield.

Gorko fended off the monkeys ferociously, and some wondered if he could ever be killed. As Gorko was fending off monkey after monkey he stepped backwards onto a monkey. He turned his ankle and fell backwards. Soon even more monkeys were on top of him. Bite after bite did not kill Gorko. He continued to fight until Tac took a dagger and put it through Gorko's right eye. The monkeys continued to bite Gorko's corpse; they fed on him as the sun set.

The monkeys were victorious but their numbers were cut in half. After the battle the monkeys realized that Kanun was the monkey of lore that had escaped one year earlier from the same lab. . . But hey, war is war. The school remained abandoned and later became a place for high-schoolers to ditch class and smoke weed.

The monkeys fed on Gorko for several minutes until they heard, "There's monkeys" - which was promptly followed by a shotgun blast. The remaining monkey veterans scattered into the safety of the woods - their new home. Night was falling and monkeys hunt better at night.