Clues that Your House is Haunted: Inspired by the Film "Carnage"

If you're looking for clues that your house is haunted, have no fear-the 1983 film "Carnage" is full of subtle hints that will help you determine if the restored Victorian home surrounded by creepy bushes and full of discarded antiques is actually haunted, or merely in disarray. If you've never heard of "Carnage," you are likely in the majority; this obscure horror flick doesn't even have a fill listing on Yahoo! Movies-which means it's full of untapped, useful information! Written, directed and photographed by Andy Milligan, this ridiculous horror film is great for a laugh-and for essential clues that your house is haunted!

Clues That Your House Is Haunted #1: The antique stove turns on its gas in the night while you're sleeping-and closes all the windows in the house, too. The house was even considerate enough to open your bedroom door, without waking you up. Don't worry, when the repair guy tells you the stove is fine, and you simply must have forgotten that you left the burner on, you will feel reassured--why wouldn't you?

Clues That Your House Is Haunted #2: The knife caddy spins on the wall, and promptly launches a knife into your finger. I know what you must be thinking-a breeze made it spin upside-down, enabling the blade to stab you. This would be completely plausible if the house hadn't already closed all the windows (see #1). Silly you, being so clumsy! You can also overlook the misplaced cups of tea, migrating photographs and the phone which keeps ringing before being connected--that's just you being clumsy and forgetful!

Clues That Your House Is Haunted #3: The new maid has a hysterical fit, followed by a nervous breakdown, and subsequent suicide in your guest room. This happens to all newlyweds living in a creepy old Victorian entirely isolated from the neighbors by rows of overgrown bushes-promise!

Clues That Your House Is Haunted #4: "Accidental" body counts quickly add up, including two would-be burglars, your new husband's favorite secretary, and your best friend's husband. Unfortunately, you'll be oblivious to all but the BFF's spouse-who dies in a freak accident involving your claw bathtub and an electric radio. The other bodies miraculously disappear before you come home, so there's nothing to worry about, and the ghosts are better theft-deterrent than a security system!

Clues That Your House Is Haunted #5: When you convince your pastor to visit the home, and he dies from an axe to the back of his head after the house refuses to let him escape, you might suspect a haunting. The house has a heck of an arm, flinging that axe across the room-so much for the house being "normal," huh, Padre? Now, make sure you sit in the living room and debate on whether or not the pastor dying in your arms merits selling the beloved house; you can even wait there alone while hubby fetches the car!

Clues That Your House Is Haunted #6: You actually see the ghost of the newlywed couple who owned the house before you-the ones who committed murder-suicide. Of course, you won't see them until after the maid and your BFF, but you didn't listen to their stories about the ghosts. And when the late bride asks you to stay in the house-and participate in your own murder-suicide-naturally you'll agree, because you love the house that much. Bonus: Your husband manages to kill you both with only one bullet-now that's efficiency!

Sources:
Yahoo! Movies, "Carnage (1984)"