Clutter Madness - My Confession of Not Letting Go

I seem to love clutter. No matter what I do or where I go the clutter never seems to stop. I've made it a habit to put stuff away instead of throwing it in the trash, and in turn purchase new things to replace the items no longer lingering around on the floor. For some reason I believe I have an issue discarding items that I just might be able to use one day. Some of the stuff that I have is broken, torn and outdated, but I just can't seem to put it in a trash receptacle for someone to dig it out and find some type of treasure that I just didn't find.

Growing up, chores weren't a bit thing at my house so here is the beginning of my down fall. My parents had a lot of stuff as well; my father was and still is a computer junkie and had every computer imaginable starting with the Amiga 2000 along with hundreds of black floppy disk with hundreds of computer programs on them just lying around the house. My mother, the queen of clothes had piles and piles of clothes that never seemed to make it into the closet, because that too was filled with clothes. Now don't get me wrong, in the beginning, or at least from what I can remember things were pretty much put in their place, because in the beginning there was not much to be misplaced, but during a few points in time we lived in a clutter of madness. When I hit the age of around 5 or 6 I can remember items from my early childhood, and I mean when I was a baby, bell bottoms, dresses, tanks, onesies, tricycles, a bassinet, dolls, bottles, pacifiers and more still lingering around in my room.

When I got even older, around 9 or 10 before my baby sister came around I now had twice as much old stuff in my room, while still combining new stuff that either fit my body or my lifestyle. During many points in my life time as a child, I can remember not having friends over or any type of company at all because there was just too much cleaning that needed to be done. But once we all came to the conclusion that walking over a pile of clothes on the floor that came to your knees was enough, then we commenced to get our clean on.

Around this time, age 11 my sister was being born into this world and we could not let such a sweet precious child come into a cluttered house. Now most people would think to reuse the older stuff I had as a baby and give it to my little sister when she came into the world, but nope, that didn't happen, we went out and purchased a whole new wardrobe for a new baby in a new time. And eventually we just had to get rid of all my old stuff and either give it to the homeless or to the trash man.

After completely wiping out my room, my parents room, the computer room , linen closets and kitchen of old items we noticed that the newer items that we bought were now getting older, but for some reason we just had to hold on to them. Now not only are there 4 people living together with some old, something new, something borrowed something blue, but now we have to pack up our things and move into a bigger house.

So we had the opportunity to start over, bigger house, new furniture, and of course some of the things we just couldn't throw away were locked in a storage bin somewhere. This seemed like a perfect time to change the way we handle the stuff that we owned, but once again, that huge house began to crawl with clutter. Magazines, newspapers, gaming systems ( Atari, Nintendo's, Dreamcast, Playstations etc), but the biggest of them all, CLOTHES. We held on to clothes like we would run out of them one day, yet we purchased a new outfit whenever going out to dinner or to a movie. It would be years , maybe 5 before making the decision to get rid of all the "junk" we had, and this just so happened to be the time when my little brother was coming into the world.

It was nice and neat after a while but again it seemed as if the clutter magically walked its self out of the closets and garage right back in the last place it was before we put it away. So now here we have it, a family of 5 taking part in the phenomenon of clutter madness. Well I decided one day that I wasn't going to let this happen any longer. I spent my college years attempting to keep a nice, neat dorm, but for some reason, the clutter just surrounded me and there I was sitting in a pile of clothes, computer equipment and just random tid bits found around campus or from an amusement park. It was crazy then and its even crazier today.

After years of struggling with clutter and trying to correct this behavior ,by purchasing bins and organizing products as seen on TV, cleaning after I was too overwhelmed with all the stuff surrounding me and . I now sit here as I write in a room with things, just random things sitting around me either begging to put them in a little box or begging to be thrown away. I've taken Items to good will, buffalo exchange, and many other donation places and I still have way too much stuff in my immediate area. Even my car is suffering from clutter madness and I really think that this is where my comfort lays.

I must admit that I feel more at home when surrounded by stuff than when there is nothing around me, yet I also know that clutter is the first sign of disorganization and my life feels it day in and day out. Do I need help? Is this a mental issue that I am dealing with? These are a couple questions that I ask myself at times because I look around me and the person that I am currently living with does not have this issue. Maybe I'm afraid of having nothing, maybe I'm afraid of losing the things that I have. Maybe one day I will have the opportunity to start over, not because I want to but because I have to. I'm on the verge of losing it all anyway due to unemployment, possible repossession of my vehicle and even losing the beautiful home I live in. Maybe God is giving me a sign that it's time to get rid of the clutter in my life to clear my mind and soul. Maybe this is the new beginning that I need.