Coach D Disrespects Volume I

Men of Inaction

There are few things that draw more abhorrence from yours truly than individuals who take no action: 1) Redskins play calling; 2) Guys in knee pads; and 3) McGrath. That's it. That's the list. McGrath falls in the category of inaction as well, but my detestation for traces far beyond his general malaise and ineptitude. Perhaps another story for another time.

See, I don't have a whole lot of time to sit and reflect on my Saturday activities. First, I can't really recall what happened last Saturday. I play the game with a passion that leaves little room for stats or recollections of my glorious receptions. I blame Jason and his failure to maintain the weekend recaps that drew me to this league in the first place. Second, it's one day of the week. Is it possible for our brethren to spend more time talking about one day of their lives? Third, those goddamn ridiculous kneepads draw too much of my ire to commit all field activities to memory. Kneepads? I mean, really? Kneepads? Is this the roller derby? Are you going cycling?

While men in kneepads greatly amuse me, they are not the topic of today's critique. Rather, it is the men of inaction who shall take notice. You know these men. You are these men. Inaction stems from a mental fatigue manifested as somnolence, a perpetual state of near-sleep. You are too tired to actually DO anything. Instead, you can only muster the energy to type on your keyboard from your recliner while you stuff your face with Cheetos. You serve no purpose in life and should probably dive in the Tidal Basin with Grover tied to your ankle. There's no chance you're swimming to the surface with that weight holding you down! Unless he can float...

You read this thinking: "I am not one of these men the brilliant author critiques." Oh, but you are, my brother. You confuse "action" with "suggestion". How unwise. You mistake something that happens to you with something done by you. Deep, but incorrect.

Since NovaFFL began, your faithful narrator has been a man of action. When the rules needed amendment, he completed the task, also developing moderator rule sheets. These sheets have been employed throughout the course of our games to ensure penalties are recognized and properly called. Men of inaction often chastise those they cannot emulate and I was spared no exception. Sarcastic ass clowns pointed out flaws and cried conspiracy, hoping someone else would correct the rules. It became very apparent that words were the currency of Nova, not action.

Many others (read: Cutters) have tried to influence the league to their advantage. They have brought forth legislation and rules, which but for my talent in arbitration would have ruined this league. Specifics are for queers. Despite my vaunted and heroic efforts to save this league from itself, the "staff" of Nova still consists mostly of "idea men" who wait for someone else to perform. Perhaps it's the nature of the young adults in this league. Such is your generation's tactic to lament your position in life while smoking a dub and drinking your Caramel Macchiato. I believe this is called "riding dirty" though I will have to confirm with some of McGrath's school chums. You do not take action to improve your circumstance. You sit back and point the finger at "the man" and blame him for your lot. I, being "the man", say unto you, young soulja boi, learn to run a route and catch the fucking ball! To paraphrase Nike, just fucking do it, asshole.

This league was built by those who are no longer compelled to take action. At one point, we were a league of "do-ers"; now simply "say-ers". They post their ideas on our website and facilitate discussion, a noble effort. But look back in the forum and tell me how many of these ideas were acted upon?

A league with men of inaction calls for a leader of action. We need direction, not discussion. We need someone who cannot be easily persuaded to refund forfeited mod monies or allow teams to split midway through the season. Someone to collect the dues from lesser-known teams before they abandon us.

Perhaps Nova has found the right person. Jason is certainly someone dedicated to seeing the league improve. But does he have a suitable attitude for his new position? A personnel change is NOT needed, though an attitude adjustment is.

Personally, I must reiterate that I have no time for these activities and must once again decline your numerous nominations. If I were the man I was 10 years ago, I'd take a FLAMETHROWER to this place!!

And that's why I disrespect men of inaction. You have neither the talent, leadership or poise to stand beside me, so stand aside.

-Coach D