COAGULATED MILK at the Rosicrucion Temple and Performance Hall

When COAGULATED MILK's lead singer Darby McGillicuddy growls "I'm loving your new stretch marks baby" he means every word. That was the feeling he generated as he opened his set at the Rosicrucian Temple and Performance Hall on Friday night. The "Love" seemed to emanate from every pore of his being as he writhed and twisted his way across the stage. The combination of his physical and verbal gymnastics was all it took to drive the crowd into a near uncontrollable hysteria. I have previously never been to a concert where the crowd was so enraptured and hung on the singer's every word, (I hear there were quite a few pairs of soggy underwear thrown on the stage that night).

The crowd was still in a state of emotional shock when Darby and company, (Armand Scroagswurther on 4 string zither, Emile Fleenderhoffer on Bass Bouzouki, Sclane Boagamill on Acoustic Synthesizer, Venus Fly on traps and backed by the Cryptozoic Symphony), launched into a rousing rendition of their biggest hit "It Ain't Over Till The Fat Lady Sits On My Face". By now there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Never before has there been such a demonstration of the pathos and understanding between a man and his sexual obsession with cellulite.

No sooner had the band seemed to drain every last body fluid from the crowd when the lights grew dim and flickered out entirely, (It was later determined that an over stimulated fan had gnawed through the mixer snake). But when you're Darby McGillicuddy and your band is COAGULATED MILK a little thing like no power or lights isn't going to stop you. In the spirit of "the show must go on" Darby and Company began their next song on acoustic instruments and under the lights of thousands of cell phone cameras.

I couldn't quite make out what song they were playing. It sounded a little like their international hit "Slime Gel is Our Friend", but it could also have been their newest tune "Slide Over Baby You're Sitting in a Wet Spot". Whatever song it was didn't really matter as Darby literally had the crowd eating right out of his hand. A COAGULATED MILK concert is more of an experience than a happening with their rabid fans willing to endure intolerable levels of pain just to be in the presence of their charismatic leader.

Next up was the song "Lordy Lordy Aborty Shorty" with its bouncy rhythm augmented by a fantastic garbage can lid solo by Venus that lasted a full 45 minutes. It was the first time I had heard a ballad performed in that manner and the results were nothing short of unnerving. The arrangement was pure genius. Who would have thought that such a tender moment could be presented with such vibrancy? I know I didn't.

Finally it was time for the Cryptozoic Symphony to play a short set while Darby and the boys? made a costume change. Now I know that Country/Classical is the next big thing but I somehow found it a little lacking. It wasn't until Emile, Armand, Venus and Sclane returned to the stage to sit in on a couple of EMO numbers with the symphony that I began to feel the apprehension I had been feeling before the break slowly returning.

After the Emo tunes Darby came back out wearing a soft number by Coco Chanel and launched into his signature song "Yeah I'm Hot But It's A Dry Heat". The crowd went into a wild frenzy and I could see how the band had become such a curiosity.

The rest of the night was literally a blur as I found myself wrapped up in the turmoil of the exuberant crowd, (I also lost my contacts). But I know this: Although seeing and hearing COAGULATED MILK can be a painful experience it's one you won't soon forget and if you want to freak out your neighbors and friends buy their new album "Zippers Are For Fools" and play it loud, really really loud.