Coffee Dates, Booty Calls, and Stop-ins

Things have certainly changed

You meet in a public place for coffee

Instead of being picked up at your door

By the way, have you ever noticed

What an incredible stimulant coffee seems to be?

I don't need any help in the aphrodisiac department

But to have seven orgasms in less than fifteen minutes...

I'll take more dark roast coffee please.

So you sit with your date at the restaurant

Till the server wants to explode

You keep others from having the table

But for two cups of coffee with free refills

The tip isn't going to amount to very much

And while you feel slightly guilty,

You have no intention of eating anything.

After your date is finished

You don't feel like going home

High as a kite from all the coffee you just ingested

A marathon may even be in order

If your date was a hottie

You may have to go home with him or her

If not, you run through your phone book

And see who else may be around

Thank goodness for "your friend"; if you have one you understand

Because when no one is available

He's always there to offer assistance

It's very comforting to have a friend of your own

Someone you can rely on in your time of need

The alternative, of course, is to go home alone

Or worse, with the coffee companion that you would rather

Forget ever meeting and hope no one you knew saw you out with

By the time you reach your destination

You are so ready to jump someone's bones

Your clothes are coming off as you walk through the door

And you say, "Oh, by the way, hello"

You race him to the bedroom;

You know which way to go

This is your third coffee date this month

And they've all seemed to turn out this way

It's a comfortable environment

At least you can say you're friends

You don't have to worry about making pseudo plans for the future

That you will eventually have to get out of

You simply get dressed and go on your way

By this time, you are starting to get tired

You are pretty much ready for the evening to end

But while you were getting all hot and sweaty

You could hear your phone ringing

From your pants pocket thrown on the floor in the hallway

And you make it a point to check to see who called

As you drive away from your friend's house

You return this phone call

A person you haven't seen in a long time

Wants you to stop by

To say hello and maybe hug his neck

You make the mistake of telling him where you are

And it turns out that you are only a few minutes

From his front door

"How about tomorrow," you reply with a dramatic yawn

But he doesn't take the hint

So you find yourself stopping in

To see someone you would rather leave behind

It becomes one of the quickest hello goodbyes in history

You don't even sit down

Lest he should try to kiss you or something

You make your entrance and your exit

All in one breath it seems

And as you drive away

You wonder to yourself

What the hell happened

To evenings at the movies

Or dinner, dancing, and a nightcap

You know, the dates you see playing out on the television

On the nights you stay at home

So peaceful, so quiet

So less costly on your gas tank

Since gas is nearly three dollars a gallon

Ah, dating in the new millennium

Thank goodness for coffee