Cognitive Dissonance Theory and Marriage

Festinger's Cognitive Dissonance Theory applies to people's decisions to stay in unhappy marriages as an alternative to divorce. People sometimes ignore their true feelings and convince themselves the marriage is satisfying to avoid divorce for various reasons. The theory is personified by the marriage of Charlotte York and Trey MacDougal, characters on the HBO television show Sex and the City.

Trey MacDougal personified Charlotte's fantasy husband. From the moment they met, their relationship seemed like a fairy tale to the world-weary but still hopeful Charlotte. Trey, a handsome Park Avenue cardiologist, came from a wealthy family and provided Charlotte with the social status and financial security she craved.

However, their marital problems began before their honeymoon was over. Trey's sexual dysfunction, his childish attachment to his mother, and his reluctance to start a family dissatisfied Charlotte but she was unwilling to admit her frustration for much of their marriage. Although she constantly experienced a lingering feeling of doubt about the relationship, Charlotte refused to acknowledge her crumbling marriage and obtain a divorce. Trey's conservative family, especially his domineering mother, would not approve of divorce. Additionally, Charlotte had passionately defended her marriage to her friends and felt humiliated when she realized she had been wrong about the relationship. Charlotte put a great deal of effort into repairing their marriage by showing sympathy for Trey's neuroses and attending couples therapy sessions to talk out their problems. To avoid getting a divorce and damaging her reputation, Charlotte attempted to change her opinions to coincide with the behavior she felt was expected of her and adopted a cheerful attitude toward her marriage. Eventually, the inconsistency between her feelings and her behavior became too stressful and Charlotte divorced Trey to reconcile the cognitive dissonance she experienced during their marriage. Charlotte's behavior exemplifies the fundamental principles of the Cognitive Dissonance Theory. Cognitive Dissonance Theory, developed by Leon Festinger in 1957, explains the relationships between cognitions. A cognition is defined as cognitions are defined as being an attitude, emotion, belief or value (Cognitive Dissonance). People simultaneously hold numerous cognitions and these cognitions form relationships with each other. The theory essentially deals with how people often experience mixed feelings and attempt to make sense of their actions and thoughts (Aronson, 1992).

According to Festinger's Cognitive Dissonance Theory, discrepancies in related cognitions cause psychological discomfort and tension. The level of psychological discomfort varies depending on the importance of the issue (Cognitive Dissonance). Throughout her marriage, Charlotte experienced much cognitive dissonance because marriage and divorce are life-altering institutions that one should not alter without a great deal of consideration and deliberation.

Festinger suggested that the psychological discomfort caused by cognitive dissonance is similar to the physical discomfort caused by hunger and thirst and that people will be relentlessly driven to resolve this tension (Cognitive Dissonance). Charlotte's strong drive to resolve her cognitive dissonance is illustrated by her determination to save her marriage to Trey. She purchased self-help books, confessed her feelings to a marriage counselor, and offered patience and understanding to her emotionally fragile husband to make it appear as if their marriage was happy. She sought to eliminate the incongruence between her true feelings of dissatisfaction and behavior as an apparently happy newlywed and avoid divorce.

Many people in unhappy marriages do not ultimately divorce, even after separating from their spouse (Donovan & Jackson). Religious, psychological, economic, and social barriers to divorce often discourage unhappy couples from ending their marriage. For example, Charlotte defended their whirlwind courtship and marriage to her skeptical friends and did not want to scandalize Trey's old-fashioned family by obtaining a divorce. Additionally, Trey provided for Charlotte financially. He paid for their luxurious Park Avenue apartment and allowed her to decorate without imposing a budget. If she gave in to divorce, she feared that she would lose the respect of her social group and her financial stability.

According to Festinger, the reduction of cognitive dissonance is beneficial because it reduces an individual's amount of stress by eliminated contradictions in their mind. Dissonance is the clearest and most troublesome when it involves a cognition about the self and a piece of behavior that violates that self concept (Aronson, 1992). In accordance with the theory, Charlotte is led to reduce dissonance to preserve a consistent, competent, and morally good sense of self.

Festinger also found that adding a third piece of relevant information can settle the psychological dispute between two cognitions (Wikipedia). Charlotte added a third piece of information to resolve dissonance. Charlotte worried that Trey's issues were detrimental to their marriage but also believed that their marriage was worth saving. She attempted to reduce dissonance by telling herself that working to resolve Trey's issues would bring them closer together as a couple and make their marriage more solid in the long run.

Despite efforts to save the marriage, one spouse will usually reach a "psychological point of no return" in which the emotional commitment to the marriage declines and will never reach its previously higher level. The lowered emotional commitment will likely be ignored or denied by the unhappy partner to avoid experiencing cognitive dissonance. Denial of cognitive dissonance becomes impossible as despair and a feeling of emptiness take hold and become intolerable (Donovan & Jackson, 1990). For Charlotte, the point of no return transpired when she received news of her infertility and inability to conceive a child. Devastated, she turned to Trey for emotional support but he showed his insensitivity by jokingly bringing home a cardboard cutout of a baby. At this point, Charlotte realized that her marriage would never improve and decided to leave her husband.

However, Charlotte did not suddenly decide to divorce Trey. It is likely that the final decision to divorce was the result of a number of smaller decisions. For example, Charlotte had decided earlier that Trey's erectile dysfunction played too prominent a role in their relationship and lost her patience regarding that particular issue. Because the decision to divorce is often a result of several incidents, it takes an average of two years or more years for an individual to reach a decision. Charlotte and Trey were married for about two years before Charlotte ultimately decided to leave the relationship (Donovan & Jackson, 1990).

When people choose between two alternatives such as remaining in a marriage or choosing to divorce, they judge the chosen alternative to be more attractive after the decision than it was before the decision (Jorgenson & Johnson, 1980). If people have traditional values regarding the lifelong permanence of marriage, they are likely to generate a great deal of cognitive dissonance. Before her marriage failed, Charlotte believed people divorced because they were not willing to put an effort into the relationship. She saw divorced people as quitters whose marriages failed due to their own laziness.

People in unhappy marriages often adopt more favorable attitudes toward divorce as they anticipate leaving the relationship (Amato & Rogers, 1999). Throughout the decline of her marriage and during the divorce proceedings, Charlotte changed her perception of divorce. She began to think of divorce as a positive change and as a fresh start for her life. On the other hand, people satisfied with their marriages will perceive divorce to be a poor solution to marital problems because it is inconsistent with his/her belief of what marriage can and should be. Happily married people will seek to maintain a consistent cognitive state by being opposed to divorce as a means of reconciling tension in their marriage (Jorgenson & Johnson, 1980).

People need to justify their actions to themselves to eliminate any remaining feelings of cognitive dissonance (Cozby & Rosenblatt, 1972). A person who has experienced at least one divorce will be more liberal in their attitudes toward the dissolution of marriage. A divorcee must alter his/her position to be consistent with past actions (Jorgensen & Johnson, 1980). Divorced people often resolve their cognitive dissonance by adopting a more positive attitude toward divorce. They are more likely to hold more favorable attitudes toward the dissolution of marriage following the divorce than before the divorce (Amato & Rogers, 1999).

References

Amato, P., & Rogers, S. (1999). Do Attitudes Toward Divorce Affect Marital Quality? Journal of Family Issues, 20 (1), 69-86.
Aronson, E. (1992). The Return of the Repressed: Dissonance Theory Makes a Comeback. Psychological Inquiry, 3 (4), 301-311.
Cognitive dissonance. (n.d.). Retrieved Nov. 10, 2005, from Wikipedia. Web site: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance.
Donovan, R., and Jackson, B. (1990). Deciding to Divorce: A Process Guided by Social Exchange, Attachment, and Cognitive Dissonance Theories. Journal of Divorce, 13 (4), 31-35.
Jorgensen, S., & Johnson, A. (1980). Correlates of Divorce Liberality. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 42 (3), 617-625.
Rosenblatt, P., & Cozby, P. (1972). Courtship Patterns Associated With Freedom of Choice of Spouse. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 34 (4), 689-695.