Collaborative Law: Divorce Without War

Most of us know that to get divorced means that the marriage is legally dissolved by a legal authority. The two parties involved then go on to live as single or go on to marry another person. There are divorces in which people can go through the proceedings with little to no animosity and have made the decision to divorce amicably. Then there are divorces in which one or both people are ruled by their emotions and will do everything possible to make the divorce as nasty as humanly possible. Those people are seemingly involved in some form of psychotic dying throw, unable to accept the death of the marriage. Several times, I have witnessed divorces that turn into all-out war.

Added to the irrational thinking highly emotional people can possess during divorce, enters the lawyers. Jeremy Bentham said "Lawyers [are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished]" (Fuqua, 2000-2001). This has certainly been my observation as well. Many lawyers see a divorce war as an opportunity to extort as much money possible from the clients, and I use the term extort with its exact definition in context as I view the practice as a criminal offense since the attorneys exploit the clients to their own advantage for personal gain. The arrogance of those lawyers goes unpunished as does the ignorance in those cases. These kinds of lawyers encourage ongoing discourse, fighting, and laying all "dirty laundry" on the table. They act interested in the allegations about the estranged couple, because they know how to fuel the flames, and they know that after the lengthy divorce process, sometimes several years, they can take that vacation to the orient they always wanted or perhaps buy that boat, car, enter any expensive item here, they wanted and will gain on the suffering of a client's emotional turmoil.

Those divorcing, who flush logic and reason directly down the toilet, are commonly victims of lawyers who practice unethically. I know I make a funny joke here since ethical and lawyer in the same sentence is rather absurd. Anger, betrayal, frustration, and sadness can become overwhelming for divorcing couples. If you're considering divorce or going through a divorce process, learn about your state's laws concerning divorce. For example, in Wisconsin, no fault is the law. If the law is no fault, what would be the sense at pointing and yelling about infidelity or any other offense? Doesn't 'no fault' mean no one can be found at fault for the irreconcilable differences at hand? Of course it does. When a court adheres to the law, couples can get divorced in a timely and effective manner.

Although there are exceptions to property settlement, a Wisconsin court is supposed to divide property equally. When it comes to child custody, a warring couple may fight over the children. In Wisconsin, joint custody is awarded in most divorce cases. Primary placement and visitation may be decided by a guardian ad litem. However, when the guardian ad litem is not good at his or her job, proper placement comes when the children get older and eventually decide who they will live with and when they will visit with their parents, despite any erroneous decisions made by a substandard guardian. Judges, lawyers, and guardian ad litems often sit on a self-righteous high horse, but at the end of it all, despite the hypocrisy of the lawyers and judges, families will often settle into what is right in their own good time.

Is it all worth a war? Absolutely not. I haven't seen a war worth anything yet. An individual who is divorcing should become educated about divorce laws in his or her state to avoid any unnecessary monetary loss due to greedy lawyers. It's best to save your psychotic dying throws for a private moment and not drag the behavior with you into court or into the process. Warring is bad for the children, bad for the individuals getting a divorce, and great for lining the lawyer's pockets. My best advice is to set your emotions aside, sit back, relax, and get divorced without war. Remind the court of the laws when necessary. I know an attorney and judge who somehow believed they reserve the right to give people orders as to what they may or may not do, despite the fact that doing so would violate the constitutional rights of others. The lawyer or judge who wants to violate your constitutional rights should not be practicing law in the first place. Know the laws; know your rights; divorce in relative peace. It is possible.

Collaborative divorce is a process that removes traditional litigation, litigation that is often not helpful to families. Collaborative divorce involves a contract that parties sign stating they will work together in the process. The lawyers also enter into the contractual agreement known as a "Participation Agreement" and lawyers "...will withdraw from the process and not participate in the ensuing litigation" (Collaborative Divorce Net, 2010, para. 2). The beauty of collaborative divorce is that it promotes cooperative techniques instead of litigations and adversarial strategies, the kind of strategies enforced by the lawyers we previously discussed (Collaborative Divorce Net, 2010). Finding a lawyer experienced in this more constructive, creative approach can assist the parties and the children of the parties in more effective conflict resolution.

References:

Collaborative Divorce Net. (2010). What is collaborative divorce? Retrieved from http://www.collaborativedivorce.net/what-is-collaborative-divorce/

Fuqua, J. (2000-2001). James Fuqua's Law Jokes. Retrieved from http://www.jamesfuqua.com/lawyers/jokes/famous.shtml