College Dynamics: An Observer's Guide

I have found college to be a regular menagerie of personalities and characters far more interesting than any zoo or circus I have ever visited. I used to assume that everyone attends college to further his/her education and better him or herself. I am finding that assumption to be false.

It was the first day of the Spring Semester 1999 at Solano Community College. With the temperature being forty degrees outside, I might be stretching it a bit by calling it Spring. However according to my class schedule it was spring. Fortunately for me, my gym teacher didn't make us workout on the first day. This gave me plenty of time to make it to my next class. Arriving early I entered my classroom and scanned my sector. Tactically I decided to sit in the second seat of the first row. I have found that because of my condition, I prefer to sit close to the door. (My wife has diagnosed me with an acute case of Nosey) Besides, should I ever have the misfortune of arriving late, I would not have far to travel to make it to my seat. (I don't quite like the feel of hot stares on my back.) With ten minutes until the start of class, I decided to double check my class schedule to make sure that I was in the right place at the right time. Someone had taken the liberty of writing the course name on the chalkboard in LARGE blue letters. The course name on the board matched the name on my schedule. I had arrived just in time, because the other students began to enter the classroom. I was in the perfect seat to observe all of the other students as they entered the room. This class was very diverse, with a wide range of students: fresh out of high school students, the mature returning students, and even several elderly students. Within minutes the room was filled to capacity.

At exactly eleven o' clock the professor entered the room. "Welcome to Business Five, my name is Professor X, and I will be your instructor for the next sixteen weeks." This was the greeting we received along with a class syllabus that covered the entire semester. The syllabus was a detailed outline of the course which included the Professor's grading system, scheduled test dates, attendance policy and other information that might have been important to a student in the class. I was scanning the syllabus when out of the corner of my eye I saw a young man sitting in the front row waving his hand in an attempt to get the Professor's attention. Noticing the young man at the same time I did, the Professor asked him if he had a question. Naturally I wanted to hear his question in case it was something I needed to know and to save myself the trouble of having to ask. "Is this CIS 1?" he asked. Professor X replied, "I hope not because if it is, then my syllabus and class schedule are all wrong."

With a big smile on his face, Professor X directed the young man to the CIS classes. "Is there anyone else in here who has something other than Business 5 on his or her class schedule?" I could tell that he was trying not to laugh just in case there was another lost student in need of direction. With the coast clear he said, "Next time I'll write the name of the class bigger!" Laughter broke out in the classroom. I felt less guilty for laughing since the whole class also found humor at the young man's expense. In all fairness I guess that I could have given the young man the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he had just woken up. I mean, so what if it was eleven o' clock in the afternoon? He might have been a late sleeper. They say it is the first impression that is most important, and my first impression of him (regardless of whether it is fair or not) was that he was the poster child for Weed Smokers Are Us. His grungy appearance and his failure to have anything in his possession that indicated that he was a college student at all; made it obvious to me that his primary motive for being at college was not his education (assuming that this was one of his motives period.) Which brings me to my point (and I do have on), and that is that there are all kinds of students in college and not everyone attends college to further his or her education. Regardless of the reasons students migrate into the college setting, I have begun to notice several types of students that stand out in every class. Whether it is the good student, the kiss-up, or my favorite, the chair tester.

I am sure that every professor would appreciate the kind of student that participates in class, pays attention and turns in neat work. These are the students that qualify as good students. Good students not only come to class prepared; but they also are willing to assist their classmates if necessary. Being a good student is not always synonymous with good grades. However the effort, attention, and classroom behavior is of the A+ caliber. After close observation, I have noticed that good students transcend all genders and races. (I would include age too, but in reality I have noticed that many of the younger students seem to be too distracted by other things to qualify as good students.) In one of my previous classes, there was a nice young lady who sat next to me who was indeed a good student. She participated in all class discussions and on the one occasion that I was late to class she quietly brought me up to speed on what the class was doing and what I had missed. Although most people in the class overlooked her, she was a positive influence in the class, and if I were the instructor, I would prefer a class of students like her.

There are several things that appear to be grand, having a luster, shine or a certain appeal to it. However, further investigation reveals that these things are frauds. Nothing is more disappointing, especially if you really believed that it was the genuine article. Things like fools' gold, fake pearls, plastic fruit and kiss- ups, all fall into the same category. Kiss-ups deceive you into thinking that they are actually good students, but they are just as empty and disappointing as the plastic fruit. Rather than take the risk of using their brain and learn something, the Kiss -up would rather try to appeal to the teacher's ego or cozy up to the teacher, using smooth empty words that sound good but have no substance to them at all. They say what they think the teacher wants to hear. So far I have had at least one in each of my classes. They laugh at jokes that aren't even funny, answering yes to all of the teacher's questions even when it isn't a yes or no question. Unfortunately for myself I had the distinct displeasure to sit between two such Kiss-ups last semester. Each day I was sickened by their shallow displays. At times it would seem that there was no one else in the class, as they would volunteer information that had absolutely nothing to do with class. Unlike good students, kiss-ups show no concern for their fellow classmates. In fact they see them as competition. In my Computer class there is a Kiss up (who I will call student A). Student A on a regular basis throws out information to the class in such a pompous manner as if the teacher will just stop what he is doing and fall on his face while chanting "I am not worthy, I am not worthy." Usually the student finds that he is wrong and his plan didn't work. Probably the most disappointing thing about the kiss-up is, the fact that they actually could learn something in class and be good students if they put more energy into the class work and less energy into the drama.

In this day and age of modernization and Federal Regulation, we constantly hear about demands for safety testing on nearly everything. I am beginning to learn that even the desks at colleges are in need of testing. This must surely be the job of a certain group of college students. Think of the luxury of this job. There is no need for the chair tester to bring books or writing utensils to class as their only purpose is to make sure that the desk and chairs are supportive and safe. The chair testers are the brilliant students who on a regular basis prove that common sense is not really common. They test a chair to see if it can support them in various sleeping positions. They even test to see if the chairs can handle the stress and strain of eating and drinking. Showing no regard for their fellow students, they talk to other fellow chair testers and compare notes, while the rest of the class tries to pay attention to what is going on in the class. Chair testers are the worst kind of student because like wolves in sheep's clothing they prey on weak-minded students and recruit them to participate in their testing activities. I used to sit next to one such Chair Tester, he would come in class and eat his breakfast and then go to sleep. On test days he would not show up at all, and periodically he would yell across the class to his buddies. As disruptive as he was, I witnessed the worst case scenario last semester. I was enrolled in a computer course that was filled with Chair Testers. The professor in charge was new to teaching and had not realized that he was in charge of the class and midway through the semester he let the Chair testers take over the class. They would convince him that he didn't assign any homework and he would believe it. I ended up dropping the class because the teacher gave up and each day was total anarchy. The majority of the class was recent high school graduates not familiar to the laissez-faire atmosphere of college and any potential good students in the bunch, were recruited by the antics of the Chair Testers.

I will appreciate any classroom environment that contains good students. Kiss-ups are tolerable and maybe if they see enough good students, they might realize that it is possible to be an individual and still make good grades. Chair Testers will always be a major disruption until they figure out that the chairs really do work and maybe they should move on to testing other things like their ability to learn something new.