College Hill South Beach Character Analysis

Season 6 of College hill on Black Entertainment Television (BET) is officially over. To honor what I consider the BEST season of College Hill thus far, here is my portrayal of each of the main characters. Enjoy!

Allison
Allison is a thick and vibrant Mistress of Love with an open-minded approach to life. So open-minded, in fact, that I dare label her a Midnight Freak. When not illustrating her kinky sexual exploits to Kyle, she could be found ogling Kathryn (can you blame her?), hanging out with her hippyesque beau, or trying to stabilize an extremely unstable household. Though her exorbitant kinkiness disturbs my can't-get-any self (likely due to jealousy), I consider her broad-minded attitude a sign of profound spiritual strength. Nevertheless, I recommend that she immediately seek church because although pure of spirit, she a HEATHEN on the outside. And yes, I said it!

Brandon
Brandon is a lanky and egotistical Herculean man most notable for his endless rants and raves, not to mention the gargantuan vein budging out the side of his neck. Blessed by astounding looks and a tight physique, Brandon served as the house jock. When not toiling away at the gym, he could be found bouncing basketballs at 5 in the morning, leaving puke-trails for Hansel and Gretel, and annoying the living hell out of his roomies. He unfortunately also has a tendency to go haywire out of the blue, whether at Kathryn, Chris, or anybody else in his way. I suggest that he learn to control his anger and be more considerate of others, lest he one day discovers himself on the short end of the stick.

Chris
Chris is a muscular teddy bear who operated as a bastion of hope for many of this season's members. As well as helping to maintain a tight-knit College Hill community, Chris also displayed a tremendous deal of character by openly befriending the resident homosexual, Kyle. Never once did he allow his strong sense of masculinity to bar him from being a warm, openhearted, and loving older brother to all of his peers. The only instances of his inner aggression popped out during skirmishes with his immediate rival, Brandon, during which he had no difficulty displaying his robust prowess. Others may judge him as a querulous goon, but I see him as just another guy off the block, or better yet, a fellow human.

Kathryn
Kathryn is a tall, long-legged, and brown-skinned concoction of African and Pakistani blood. Lord have mercy! Booty-hips and gorgeous hair aside, Kathryn was a down-to-Earth soul with a girl-next-door personality. She maintained her cool demeanor even during Kyle's incessant initial attacks on her character. After passing his 'Trial of the Newcomers' she was promptly accepted into the entire household and hence remained as such; at least until her 'saddle-ride' with Paul (yeeeehaw), after which an overtly jealous Brandon denounced her as nothing more than a whore. At the end of the day though, even Brandon couldn't stop her from shining bright as a succulent hot Toddy with brains, beauty, AND booty.

Kyle
Kyle is a chubby and mean-spirited little black leprechaun, but stands out as College Hill's most notorious and hilarious character of all time. His antics have left me falling over my chair in uncontrollable laughter on numerous occasions. It is either Kyle's way or the highway, and you know that's right, "girlfriend!" But behind his abusive façade lies a pained and troubled soul struggling with not only a severe eating disorder, but also a personality clash as well. Although the way in which he sometimes treated others really got underneath my skin, at the end of the day I found myself sympathizing with him. He has a tremendous deal of issues piled up on his plate, along with two rows of ribs, one stack of wings, and french fries. Kudos and blessings to you, Kyle. I will definitely never forget you, you big ol' tub of sexual chocolate!

Milan
Milan is an indifferent and purportedly non-'plastic' Diva likely to suffer from obesity if she does not soon curb her extraordinarily lazy temperament. Borne from a world of credit cards (isn't that plastic?) and fancy apparel, Milan is a certified Drama Queen--finger snap in Z formation. She seemed unable to form any meaningful connections, or perform any meaningful work for that matter. My only advice for her is to marry rich, preferably an NFL football player or Hollywood celebrity. Otherwise, she is likely to end up on the corner trickin' for a new pair of high heels. Sorry, but the truth hurts sometimes. I do commend her though for staying true to herself, which in itself is quite a difficult feat to accomplish in such an intolerant and bigoted world.

Paul
Paul is a tall and skinny white-boy with the debonair presence of a black man straight out of Jamaica. Adorned with tattoos and thuggish cornrows, Paul established himself as a unique man unconcerned with race, creed, or the color of one's skin. As a young Indian male with a deep association to black culture, I offer this white brother of mine 200% daps. I too am familiar with the struggle of acceptance in a world too focused on outer appearance versus inner personality. My only grievance with Paul is that after super-soaking Kathryn with his love juice, he proclaimed her unworthy of his devotion because "she a hoe." This Soulja-Boy brother done lost his fragernackle mind! Get it together, Paul!

Terri
Terri is a ryde or die chick with a short fuse and a propensity for keeping it real, which as Dave Chappelle made abundantly clear, doesn't always serve one well. Terri delivered our first taste of the numerous fights about to unfold on this season of College Hill. Right from the very beginning, she was all about the drama. First came her crush on Brandon, quickly followed by a dispute with Milan that suddenly erupted into a full-fledged fight. What I find ironic is that despite her thuggish demeanor, she tended to articulate herself rather well during the confessionals. My advice for her is to seek anger management, attend college, and stay off drugs! Other than that, keep reppin' your block, babygirl!

Tiffany
Tiffany is a super sexy and petite Mama best recognized for her spectacular booty and affectionate nature. Though she was never at the core of occurring drama, her presence could always be felt. Whether consoling Chris, trying to mediate an argument, or sitting back and laughing at Kyle's erratic behavior, Tiffany was always in sight, even if only from the corner of one's eye. At the end of the day, Tiffany represented herself with class, dignity, and a whole lot of love. I give you daps and wish you the best, Hot Mama! And if things don't work out with Chris, shot me a holla! (wink wink)

In conclusion, you may be wondering why this is my favorite season of College Hill thus far, especially considering that it was chockfull of petty arguments, unnecessary violence, and a whole slew of other inappropriate behavior. Well, isn't that the way real life functions? Imagine a family reunion, if you will. Picture relatives from completely opposite spectrums of life meeting at one central location for an extended period of time. Or how about a work office or University packed with various ethnicities, races, genders, sexuality, and skin colors. Do you expect everybody to get along as if in a fairy-tale, or do you believe that the world isn't perfect and 'shit just happens'? I believe in the latter. How about you?