College Rant on Putting Off Laundry

College exerts much pressure on its students. Aside from classes, exams, jobs, extra-curricular activities, and balancing a social life, they also have to maintain a certain degree of hygiene. Who this person is that invented personal hygiene, I have no idea, but I want to go on the record as saying that I think he should have been stopped. If it was socially acceptable to do laundry every three months, I am sure the anxiety rate in this country would fall dramatically.

I find myself waking up on mornings and discovering, more often than not, that I have absolutely no clean clothes to wear for the approaching day. Relentlessly I dig into my closet, looking for any scrap of cloth that can be considered sanitary by any stretch of the imagination. Finally, I grab a hold of an old Pokemon T-shirt that I wore in sixth grade and brought to college as a joke. The thought of bearing Pikachu on my chest has suddenly gone from amusing to economical. Satisfied, I shut my closet door and face the rest of the day knowing that I can delay doing laundry until tomorrow.

When one looks at the facts, it can plainly be proven how silly it is to do laundry on a regular basis. First off, doing laundry costs money. If you are one of those cheeky do-good, "hygienic" people, you may spend dollar upon dollar on laundry when there is not even a fatal need for it. Unlike those squares, we the enlightened few wait until the last second, wait one more second after that last second, and THEN we do our laundry. In our procrastination we have saved precious pennies. Over the course of a college career, each procrastinator will save around five thousand dollars (or... something like that).

Aside from money, there is the expense of time. Regular laundry room visitors may waste two hours every week cleaning their clothes. With that time, we procrastinators can do any number of things, including: study, work at a job, write a dissertation, help raise AIDS/HIV awareness, stop global warming, find a cure for cancer, and promote peace in the Middle East. All of these things are very possible. Of course, many of us may spend our extra time either sleeping or playing Guitar Hero, but the mere possibility of such philanthropy is enough.

There is a new kind of prejudice out there. While it may not be discussed as much as racial bigotry or religious intolerance, it is equally hurtful. We must halt prejudice against people who wear outfits twice in a row. We live in such a hateful world that the smallest mention of wearing dirty clothes is cringe-worthy. But why, my friends? If we all chipped in and decided that it was socially alright to double-dip clothes, we could virtually erase hygienic discrimination.

The sky is the limit, my free-spirited readers. If we band together, we can conquer the establishment. Anything we put our minds to we can accomplish. Mostly, I think we should find a reason why I don't have to do my laundry tonight. I am officially out of shirts, videogame related or not, and my hamper is starting to emit a green gas that is melting my wallpaper. Sure, I could do my laundry, but I already told you how many charitable things I could be doing instead. Before I get to that though, I want to beat my high score on Free Bird in Guitar Hero II.