Colonoscopies and Rollercoasters

I had been waiting for my colonoscopy/endoscopy appointment long enough to feel confident that if I had a problem, I'd already be dead. That knowledge alone almost made me cancel. As the date grew closer I realized that I wasn't sure of the date at all. I had October 15^th in my mind and when I finally checked my health file in the office, I almost had a 'pre rollercoaster' jolt of panic to find out it was actually October 8^th. Then I forgot about it once again.

The weekend before, we were invited to a dinner party with two other middle-aged couples. As any middle-aged dinner partier knows, the bulk of the appetizer conversation concerns health problems and it just extends throughout dinner and into dessert. So, of course I put in my two cents about my impending procedure. I was elated when one of the men disclosed that they had it done. I asked about it and he began about getting a numbing spray in the mouth and then they go down your throat with............"

"AND? AND?". I wondered but a conversation on bunions took over. Once again my procedure was forgotten for a while.

When the two day fast and cleansing procedure finally began, I really started to become terrified. I wasn't sure why but my mother did tell me that my uncle told her that he had to have 'it' and apparently it wasn't pleasant. The drink wasn't quite as bad as I had convinced myself it would be and the accompanying pills went down alright. The relay action to the closest bathroom began almost immediately. I was smart enough to ask my son to stock a few extra rolls. True enough, despite my best efforts........I was unable to coordinate my urges to the commercial breaks on 'Dancing With the Stars'. This aggravated me a bit. The upside was that I felt pretty skinny by morning. If I hadn't been fasting, I would have prepared a romantic breakfast on that premise alone. My Better (not) 'Half' (to go) had a great work excuse on his side and breathed a sigh of relief when my oldest son actually offered to walk me through it. His instructions were clear!

"I haven't eaten in two days so show up with a MacDonald's double........No... change that to a SUBWAY chicken with whole wheat and a low fat dressing. Have them run it through the garden! Get a big huge diet pop." Instructions for my pick up were no less specific. "They said two hours so be here in an hour! There is nothing worse than wanting to go home with no one there to take you. And make sure you have the SUB!"

I was sent to a small waiting room with only four magazines-all business-. Finally a man came in and sat right beside me. He was waiting for his daughter. In an effort to make conversation he asked me what I was there for. I told him and he asked what my symptoms were. For a moment I wanted to say 'none of your beeswax' but we were alone so I thought I'd spill the beans..........because my propensity to spill the beans is what lead me there to begin with.

He was a pro at this stuff and let me know he had 4 colonoscopies and 3 endoscopies under his belt already. His advice was to just take the drugs and I'd be fine. Sure enough, before you knew it.......I was on a table, attached to an iv which the doctor injected something with and then I was waking up all hungry and skinny feeling. Ten minutes later I was enjoying the best SUB and diet POP I had ever experienced. Apparently things were OK and that belly can probably be attributed to plain old 'overeating'.

When I arrived in the house my youngest son yelled out from behind his computer, "Did you have that thing? Are you alive? Are you OK?"

I assured him I was and he bounded out in an atypical moment. "Then give me a big hug"! I told him that it was nothing and I shouldn't have been so scared. He reminded me....

"Just like the roller coaster at Darien Lake this summer. You were so chicken and I told you it would be fine and when you did it, you loved it!"

I'm not sure if the "loved it" part applied but he had a point! The fear was in the ascent to the event. In the end it was rather anti-climatic. My fears were unfounded. Just like the roller coaster, I would do it again if I had to-----this time with much less fear.

For now, though, I am just thankful that it is all behind me!