Coming Home from Iraq

A lot of people think that actually being in Iraq is the hardest part of the journey. Well, according to my husband, Sgt. Daniel J. Naquin, that's not entirely true. He said that coming home was one of the hardest things.

Coming home from being overseas in Iraq is nothing like coming home from summer camp. There are no great stories to tell, no memories of roasting marshmallows over a campfire while the kid next to you tell ghost stories. This is reality. The ghost stories are what you bring home with you that you can tell no one.

When my husband came home from Iraq he looked like exactly the same man that I kissed good-bye the day he left. He was not the same man, though. He acted differently, his mannerisms were different, he even slept differently. Normally a sound sleeper, he now tossed and turned all night long. Occasionally he would start muttering incoherent things in his sleep that I could not completely make out and other times he would be shouting so loudly that I was surprised he did not wake up all the neighbors with the ruckus. These were, of course, things that cannot be repeated in this article. Most nights he did not sleep well and I did not sleep at all, but sleeping was not the only problem.

One of the main problems of him coming home from Iraq was the fact that he had been gone for so long. When he came home our daughter was almost two years old and terrified to go anywhere near him because she was so young when he first left that she hardly remembered him. Also, during the time he was away he was allowed to come home for a two week leave, (just long enough to get me pregnant again), and then he had to return overseas. So, when he returned from Iraq we also had a six month old son whom he had never met. So this man walking into out front door was a complete stranger to him even though he was his father. My husband tried to pick him up and he screamed and thrashed until he was finally let down. He immediately ran into the kitchen and hid for the next hour or so. I could tell that this was breaking my husbands heart but there was really nothing that I could do about it and I felt horrible.

In truth, I think that there were a lot of things that I could have done to help my children with the transition of him coming home from Iraq. However, I think I was so wrapped up in my own depression with my husband being overseas and just trying to take care of my kids and get by with the normal day to day routine that I just didn't try very hard to make the effort.

Here are some things that I might recommend to parents of children who have a spouse overseas or will have one there soon:

1.Make a tape of your spouse/significant other and allow your children to watch it daily. Have them say "I love you" a lot on the tape and that they miss them. The more they hear this from both of you, the better they will be for it.
2.Create an audiotape of them for at bedtime. You could tape them singing a lullaby or reading a favorite story, something that they could continue doing as soon as they come home from Iraq. This way it's like they never stopped being a part of their everyday routine.
3.Put up as many pictures of them as possible around the house and point them out several times during the day, saying their name constantly.

I would strongly suggest trying one, if not all of these things if in this unfortunate situation. I am happy to say that everything is back to normal in our household now but it took almost a year for it to get that way. It should not take this long in my opinion and I do partly blame myself for this. I just hope that this will do someone out there some good in the future. If it helps even just one person, then that would be enough for me.