Coming Off of the "Pink Cloud" - A Firsthand Account

Nothing can feel worse in your recovery then when you come off of the "pink cloud".

You feel great. Your chosen method for remaining sober is really helping you to attain the kind of life that you - deep inside - always knew that you could have.

But then the crash happens. You get discouraged. You get resentful. You start to think and wonder why you are feeling down when what you have been doing has been working so well. Next thing you know you aren't taking care of yourself and doing the things you had been doing to keep yourself straight. Maybe...even to the point of relapse.

I have been going through this lately. As a recent "graduate" of in-patient rehab, I really pushed myself to go to AA meetings five to seven days a week. Even though it was working, I have found myself getting to the point of frustration with what I am.

I am an alcoholic.

The problem is that I now want to put that part of my life behind me. I want to move on to bigger and better things for myself and my family. But it's getting to the point where I resent the fact that I have to go to meetings. It just reminds me of what I am, and I hate the fact that I AM an alcoholic.

I hate the fact that I resent AA even though I know what good it will do for me.

While sharing these feelings at my latest AA meeting I felt like I rambling on and not making any sense. It seems like the old-timers just talk about how AA has saved their lives. I almost never hear anything negative about it. But to my surprise, after I was done sharing one of the best old-timers there stated that he knew EXACTLY what I was saying and could definitely relate to it. I even had a few members come up to me after the meeting and state the same thing. I was pretty surprised.

What this proves to me is that the fellowship of AA is not to be taken lightly. I have to keep reminding myself of all the times I did not want to go to a meeting and then be glad that I did. It's times like that that keeps me motivated.

Life is a roller coaster, and so is your recovery. Try not to lose sight of it. When you lose sight is when you will lose the battle.

So...for today I will try to better accept what I am and what I feel I have to do to retain my sobriety.

The pink cloud will come back.

The Promises as stated in the AA Big Book say so.