Comments Regarding Large Families

When you are the mother of a large family, going out in public can turn into a sideshow. People just do not always know how to take the site of many children in one family. Many times, it's a positive thing, but sometimes you will come across people who just want to make rude comments. It's a challenge to know how to answer them.

The first thing to remember is just because someone else is being rude doesn't mean you have to be. In fact, being rude back to the person will just reinforce their assessment that you can't be in control of your life and have more than two children. One of the best things you can do is be the better person. Be classy. Be kind. Make a good impression by offering a well though out answer to their comment.

As the mother of ten children (although two now have their own families and one is in law school in another state) the comment I hear most often is "Are those ALL your children??" This comment is always said in horror, as if they fear the answer. This is by far my favorite comment, because I can then answer, "Oh, no, these aren't all my children. These are only part of my children. Three of them are not with me right now."

Another often heard comment, after people have counted and decided you have more than the normal 2.3 children that America seems to accept is: "I'm glad it's you and not me!" A good reply to that is, "I'm glad it's me and not you, too!" The person will spend a few seconds trying to figure out if they have just been insulted, which will give you time to change the subject.

Other comments you will hear often are:

"You sure do have your hands full!"

A good answer is "Yes, I am very blessed." Or "You know the old saying; idle hands are the devil's workshop."

"Don't you know what causes that?"

Answering, "Well, yes. Would you like me to explain it to you so you can have a big family, too?" will usually make them stop and think. Then again, it may bring yet another rude comment, so be careful with that one. I've also heard people say they answer, "No, would you like to explain it to me?' But that's another risky answer. One man said he always answers that one with "Walll, Ah tole her to quit eatin' all them watermelon seeds!"

Another simple answer is "Yes. God has knitted them together for me."

"Are you done yet?"

"We'll see" said with a smile is sometimes enough. "We are leaving that decision up to God," is a good answer.

Not all comments are negative however. I remember one much older lady who told me she was sorry for staring at me, but seeing my boys reminded her of her own stairstep sons. Another older lady stopped me in the store and recounted to me the day she found her own teenage son dead in his bed, and urged me to see every day with my children as a blessing. And yet another time, I was in the store with most of my children, including a grown daughter and even some grandchildren, and everyone was calling me mom. We made quit a spectical eI'm sure. We were shopping for a birthday cake for my young grandson, who was trying to talk me into buying the most expensive one in the case. A lady stopped me and held out a twenty dollar bill. She said she loved seeing my large family, it made her feel really good and she wanted to contribute to our birthday party. I tried turning the money down for a couple of seconds, then finally admitted to myself she was trying to bless us, and I accepted her gift. I doubt I will ever forget her kindness or the sweet look on her face.

Finally, it is good to remember that people don't always mean to be rude. Sometimes, they are just curious why you have chosen to be so different from the rest of the world. It's never right to be rude back. Just answer the curious people nicely. Let your children see you smile and answer like you think they are the greatest things in the world, and everyone wishes they had a family like yours. Let them learn from you to have a soft answer. This is your opportunity to compliment your children in their hearing. Make the most of it!