Common Courtesy: Practice Being Polite

I am Yankee. Not in the New York baseball sort of way, but in the raised in the North, never liked sweet tea or grits, kind of way. But even a Yankee can applaud Greg Reeson's call for a return to manners in his article, Common Courtesy Isn't So Common.

I don't know Greg, so I don't know if his manners are a matter of southern breeding or military training, as I have seen both. My husband, though born in California, is a child of the South and the son of a Navy man, so I know both contribute to his views on polite society. And, having spent the last 15 years living south of the Mason-Dixon Line (yes, some parts of Illinois are that far south), I have come to appreciate the more southern view of manners and courtesy.

The first time I met my mother-in-law, I thought she went a bit overboard. No one entered her home without being offered a drink and something to eat. My father-in-law still thanks her when she makes him dinner and they've been married for more than thirty years. And, they instilled the same manners in their son.

Now, I don't mean to say that all northerners are impolite, but I do see a lot fewer manners when I go north to visit my family than I do when I'm at home. My husband tells me I wasn't exactly over-flowing with manners when we met. I hate to admit, but I think he might be right.

To be honest, southern Illinois isn't exactly a hotbed of politeness, courtesy and manners, but it is better than some other places. Or, at least, it used to be.

When I first moved here, there were a lot of adjustments I had to make. At restaurants, I had to learn to ask for my tea unsweetened. Sweet tea is a way of life.

The first southern Illinois community I lived in still had houses with lawn jockeys, a sure sign in my northern eyes that I had entered the real South. And, every place that served breakfast had grits on the menu.

And, when I first moved here, people were polite and friendly. It seemed that if you met a stranger on the street they would be happy to say hello and give you directions. Sure, some of the directions were useless, as they often involved turning left at "Old Man Jones' farm" when old man Jones had been dead for years and his farm is now the local mall, but at least they tried.

Now, I find myself sharing Greg's frustration with other people. A trip to Wal Mart becomes a nightmare and we have taken up grocery shopping at midnight because at least then we know we can avoid fighting the crowds. At midnight, people still seem to understand the concept of getting out of the way and saying excuse me if they need to get past you. It's like people have manners again once the busiest part of the day is over.

It seems to me that a great deal of anger and road rage and crime could be avoided if people simply remembered to be kind to one another.

A clear sign of a lack of common courtesy in most people came Friday night when we believed someone was breaking into the house next to ours. I was saddened to see how much I appreciated a little common courtesy and how rare it is.

We live in a college town and the new neighbors moved in less than 2 months ago, so we don't know them, even by sight. But Friday night about 1 a.m., my husband heard glass breaking and took the flashlight and went outside to see what was going on. He shouted to the person entering the house, asking if everything was all right, and had me call 911 to report a possible break in.

It was a busy weekend and our police force anticipated as much, so the response time for officers was less than three minutes. Turns out, it was my neighbor, who got drunk and lost his keys and really wanted to get home to bed.

What surprised me, and saddened me at the same time, was that I didn't expect the police officer to come and explain what happened. I anticipated that I would either read about it in the paper in a few days or never really know what happened.

Instead, one of the eleven police officers that responded came to my door and thanked us for calling them. It saddens me still to think how much I didn't expect his courtesy and how nice it was to get it.

The officer told us that tips just like ours catch most burglars and that sadly, most people never make the call. Our neighbor, he said, was embarrassed, but thankful to know that if someone had been breaking in, the police would have been notified.

The officer's simple act of respect and courtesy, in telling us what happened and thanking us for our call, made me remember how important those simple acts can be. And, made me sad to think that more people don't take the time to report suspicious activity, or say thank you for small deeds.

I could also tell by the officer's face that he was surprised to be invited into my home at 1:30 a.m. to warm up. It was bitterly cold and standing in the doorway while he was outside cold would have been rude. I think he sees rude a lot.

This officer took his duty to serve and protect above and beyond the call Friday night, taking the opportunity to recommend to us that we replace our porch light and leave it on as the cold weather approaches because there has been an increase in crime in our neighborhood. If we had not taken the time to invite him in, we would have missed out on his advice.

And, as I stood there in my kitchen, with a police officer thanking me for making a simple call, I began to wonder how many other times I have missed out on good advice or a late night smile because I was in too big a hurry to be polite.

I do still see people around me being polite...the driver who waves me through ahead of them and the neighbors who welcome everyone to the neighborhood each fall with punch and cookies...and now, I wonder if I have been appreciating it enough when it does happen.

Yes, Greg, there is common courtesy out there still, but no, it isn't very common anymore. But for me, your article made a difference and I will try to make it a little more common around my house.