Common Mistakes Submissive Men and Women Make When Entering the BDSM Lifestyle

Yes, we have discussed submission a lot over the course of my writings. We have looked at what submissive should look out for and we have discussed the rights of a submissive. I have also mentioned some things you should not do on first dates or when meeting someone online. What I have not discussed is the common mistakes we all make. When I say all, I mean all of us. I made them and so did all the other super submissives I know.

It really is easy to see a new submissive in a chat room and in real life. It is the new girl or boy that will bend the knee to anything that declares dominance. If there is a "Master", "Lord", "Sir" or "Lady" in the handle, then the poor new soul will call it Sir or Ma'am without fail without looking to see how everybody else relates to this person first. Not everyone with that kind of name is really dominant in the first place and some of them are questionable people even without their so-called dominance.

Of course the new submissive will try to serve this person as well as they can and will take untold forms of abuse and sexual use in a full chat room, not knowing that this is not necessarily seen as proficient dominance either. The newbie is just so happy to be told what to do that anything that sounds dominant or any person who seems dominant just might be the one or just might change his or her world. Dearest newbie, this is not the case. Go and read my articles on how to find your dominant and rest assured that you will have time to read and still meet that elusive person.

Newbies also often fall for the joke that a dominant is always right. Yes that saying that a dominant is always right is in fact a joke and should be taken to mean exactly that. Even in my relationship, which is a M/s relationship, I am allowed to respectfully question Master if something does not seem accurate or correct and he will often come to me and tell me when he has alleged something which turned out to inaccurate. Newbie, you are intelligent and sometimes you will see that other dominant people are wrong. As long as you respectfully address the issue, you are well within your role of being submissive.

Oh, another thing, remember my advice to make sure that you are safe by doing a checklist with a new dominant? You haven't read that? Well, you will find it amongst my articles if you dig, but for now a checklist will help you to define your limits. Newbies often set too few limits because they do not know which areas of play there are and they are duped into playing games they did not want to because no one told them. They can also make the mistake of setting too many limits and this drives prospective dominants away. No dominant wants to tip toe around hundreds of limits. If some things really scare you, set them as soft limits and push limits with someone you can trust.

The last common mistake I want to highlight is the tendency of new submissives to think that only the needs of the dominant matter and that their needs evaporate into the black hole of some unknown universe just because they are submissive. This is so far from the truth and you, dear newbie, need to get in touch with your needs. This way you will see that wanting to serve is a need and that this need is somehow addressed when you serve that new dominant. Both parties get something out of the exchange and you need to be self aware enough to see to it that your needs are met through negotiation and trust built in play partnerships and longer term D/s relationships.

Do not take yourself so seriously and enjoy the journey. BDSM is filled with laughter and fun and even though you probably will make all of the mistakes despite being told about them, we will still be there to help you when you try to find your way back. Welcome to the lifestyle.