Common Sense Parenting

Recently I've become aware of the trend to be "friends" with your children. In being "friendly" you are helping them...helping them what, I have no clue, but apparently being a friend is the way to parent. No one wants to upset their children, so they are friends with them. They give them an equal say in what they are going to do, eat, wear, etc and this is the "way" to parent.

I'm here to tell you that it is not only inappropriate to act that way, it does NOT work. While you don't have to be a complete hard ass when it comes to parenting your child/ren, you do need to set appropriate boundaries and behave like a parent. In this article, I will give some simple tips for common sense parenting.

Children these days feel as if they are entitled to everything. The best of everything, the most expensive everything, the newest everything; why do they feel that way? Because parents treat them like they deserve everything. When I was a child/teen, when I wanted something expensive or trendy, I had to earn money and buy it myself. I appreciated that item much more than had it been given to me. I also didn't feel like I needed the next best thing when it came out because my hard earned cash had been spent on the item I so badly wanted. Parents get caught up in the trap of giving children things they don't need or deserve and when the next thing comes up that the child wants, they feel obligated to buy it. The child may tell you how unfair you are or how uncool you are for not getting for them. My response? So what? I'm your mother, not your friend and it's FINE if I am uncool or unfair. Making a child contribute to something she wants is a far more effective way to let them have possessions that go above and beyond the "norm" (examples of above and beyond items? Ipods, cell phones, expensive video games, designer or name brand clothing that sell for more than your entire wardrobe)

Be the parent, not the friend. Quit praising your child when they do something that they SHOULD be doing because they are an equal part of your family. Why should you thank them for flushing the toilet after going to the bathroom when it's something everyone else does? Thanking your child for everything makes them hungry for your approval, something they should have regardless if you thank them constantly or not.

Do not over praise; when you over praise a child, they start to do things simply for the praise, not for the experience of doing something. As a new teacher, I was told by my mentor to step back and ask myself why a child was doing something. Are they showing me this piece of art because they like it? Because they dislike it? Because they want your feedback? What is their intention in showing you? The same can be said about your child at home, WHY are they constantly seeking your praise? Have you set them up for a pattern of constant praise? If so, it's time to stop the cycle; it will be hard to do at first, but think about it, as an adult you are not told at work that you are amazing and awesome for showing up, are you? Are you continually praised for every little thing you do at work? I think not.

Set boundaries and stick with them. Follow through when you say you are going to do something. Children need and crave boundaries, parents are the parents for a reason. Parenting is a learning process, for sure, but by setting a few simple guidelines for yourself as the parent, it can be easier.

Set boundaries, quit thanking and praising your child constantly, quit handing them everything they want, quit trying to be friends with your child and give yourself permission to be A PARENT. In the end, if you mess up raising your children, nothing else you do really matters.