Common Struggles of Single Parent Households

It seems that more and more families have become one parent households. The single parent struggles in ways that many people fail to understand. There is a lack of compassion for those that have had to rely on public assistance or grants, at times through no fault of their own. In no way do I want to suggest that single fathers have life as a single parent any easier however this article will focus more on the struggles that a single mother faces in day to day life.

What choices in today's world does a single mother have if she has been a stay at home parent for the life of her marriage? Take a look at today's job market and ask yourself what prospects there are for a person who has been removed from that environment for numerous years. There are college graduates standing in line at the unemployment offices, taking jobs that do not require a degree, or jobs that they are over qualified for in order to pay their bills. Single mothers have stiff competition out there and yet if you talk to people you will hear many of them rant about the fact that their tax dollars go towards supporting those on public assistance.

Single mothers often lack the skills to meet today's job market demands. They may be highly educated, smart, articulate and goal oriented but if they have left their career field while they were married then they have to play catch up. This takes time and money, two things that are often in short supply as a single parent.

The public assistance programs offered through state agencies are designed to be stop gap measures to help those families in need while they receive job training or hunt for a job. Often times there are requirements that must be met in order to participate in the programs as well as time limits for which you can be enrolled and receiving aid.

After talking to people that live in my area I realized that many have a misconception about the way the programs work. Many believe that while you are receiving aid you are able to sit at home and relax. Aid however does not give you enough to support a family. Furthermore as a recipient you are required to register for work; this involves working with a case manager who monitors your job hunting activities, assists you in job training and placement as well as assessing your skill level. Failure to meet the requirements imposed by the state you live in will result in termination of benefits.

After a recipient has begun working the benefits that they receive on a monthly basis drop, this is based on a calculation that again varies from state to state but is typically formulated the same way. Wage X ?%= $amount that a federally funded grant is lowered by. A quick example is a household receiving aid in a state that counts 10% of income against the grant until they family is able to earn enough to rise above the poverty level or hits the 5 yr time limit, whichever comes first. For every dollar earned from wages that family would lose 10 cents as well as a portion of their food stamp assistance. This example is taken from a pilot program in New York. Some states count 40% of a family's income, making it hard to rise above poverty level.

Often times a single mother has a difficult time getting child support from the father. When this is the case many do not have any other option but to turn to the state for help.

When two people are married and they both create a child it is the responsibility of both parties to financially support the child/children. During a divorce procedure there are often times no support order for the financial well being of the children. If there is a support order in place and the father simply chooses not to pay why should the children be made to suffer from the stigmatism that is associated with being on public assistance? Yes, the non-paying parent will at some point have their wages garnished but this takes time and only work if that party can be located.

It seems that all to often we hear a single mother being criticized for taking assistance in order to support her children and yet we rarely hear the criticism that should be directed at the non-supportive father.

Yes, there are many single mothers in today's world that for one reason or another have never married, there are many that take advantage of the system and work it to their benefit, and there are those who got pregnant on purpose for the financial benefit they believed it to be.

However there are just as many if not more single mothers who never wanted to experience life as a single parent. There are women who were in abusive situations, women who were widowed, women whose husbands developed drug or alcohol problems and women whose husbands had affairs. Should we ask these women to stay in their marriages? What about the women whose husbands ran off with a young girlfriend? Did they have a choice about becoming a single parent?

I sincerely hope that single father's do not feel as though I am down playing the struggle that they face in their own day to day life in a one parent household, however I feel that women receive a much higher percentage of the criticism and so choose to focus on that.

The bottom line comes down to old fashioned values that so many people lack in today's world: Judge a person on an individual basis, not as a group, treat others with kindness and respect, and lend a helping hand when you see someone in need.