Communication with Your Child in Tough Situations

There comes a time in every parents life that communication with their children is crucial. Kids need to be able to discuss matters with you that they consider important. All too often we mis-handle these situations, say the wrong thing, or over-react. This will ultimately keep our children from wanting to have future discussions with us. What can we do to be supportive while being an authority figure, and make our kids want to open up and share their private lives with us?

The most important thing is to never over-react. Even if it's a situation where you should go through the roof. Your child needs to see you as calm and collected. If it's information that has totally shocked you or scared you, don't let it show. Explain that it's a lot of information to deal with and you need some time to think. Once you are out of ear shot of your child you can rant, rave and have a nervous breakdown.

I raised three amazing daughters. My girls told me things that most kids would never dream of telling their parents. Why? Because they knew even if I disagreed I would listen, be objectionable and try to see things from their point of view instead of my own. My youngest is 19, they all graduated high-school, one is in college, two are married and I am still not a grandmother.

Your daughter needs to know that she can come to you when it's time for the dreaded birth control discussion and that you will support her. Teenagers are going to have sex with or without your approval. Abstinence only works when they are abstaining from sexual activity. You can't prevent them from having sex but you can help prevent an unwanted pregnancy and discuss safe sex measures for avoiding STDs.

Aside from the discussions on sexual activity there will be many other discussions you'll want your child to have with you. They need to know that they can talk to you. The following are somethings you need to avoid so your child trusts you and looks to you as an objectionable, authority figure.

Don't discuss your child's private conversations or behaviors with other people. Your best friend or sister does not need to know every little thing that goes on in your child's life. If you do need to talk to someone about some of the situations, then by all means never do this in front of the child. They will see you as a blabber-mouth and gossiper just like they do the kids in school.

Always refrain from telling your kid what you think they should do. Listen first, let them tell their story. Often times they will ask what you would do. If not, then you can ask, "Can I tell you what I would do in this situation?" This lets your child know that you aren't trying to turn them into you. It also lets them know that you will listen and only give your opinion if it's wanted. Granted, this can't be practiced in every situation, there will be times when you will need to step in and put your foot down. In most cases though it's better to listen to your kid first.

Always make time to talk with your kids. We often get busy with our job, cooking, cleaning and tending to everything else that we tell our kids, "Not now." This relays to them that we don't have time for them. A better solution is to explain that you're busy and need a few minutes to wrap up what you're doing. By letting them know that you are willing to make time for them, they will be more likely to come to you when they need to.

A great way to open up communication with your child is to start using text messages. Teenagers love texting. Many times they will let you know what's going on with them because it's easier than a face-to-face conversation, and they'd rather text from their phone than to actually make a phone call from it.

My daughters finally convinced me that texting was an awesome invention. Now I can't imagine not using it. My husband and I communicate daily via text messages. It's more convenient than a phone call and if the other person is busy, the message is there when they get free time.

I really enjoy it now that my daughters live in different cities than I do. The grounds of communication are still open and its a handy way to stay in touch into adulthood.

Parenting is not an easy task, but we must remember that our kids see the world and situations differently than we do, much like we saw things differently than our parents. Keep the lines of communicating open for your child so they will want to open up to you while dealing with the tough times in their lives. You can be your child's friend and parent at the same time, just know when to draw the line between the two.