Communication Skills - from Hearing to Listening and from Understanding to Doing

We all remember being told off as children by parents or teachers for not listening, even though we swore that we were indeed listening. But what we didn't understand back then was that there is a big difference between hearing what is said and actually listening. And our parents didn't understand that just because we heard them we didn't necessarily think we should do what they said.

The same issue exists in the workplace. It is important to understand that just because you tell someone something doesn't mean they'll do it going forward.

The difference between hearing, listening and other expressions often used to try to say the same thing can be explained by using the following rhyme:

To hear is not to listen.

To listen is not to understand.

To understand is not to remember.

To remember is not to do.

To do is not to do consistently.

So what's the difference?

== To hear or to listen ==

Every day we hear many things. We hear music on the radio, voices around us, street noise and what people say. Hearing is simply a physical process of outside noise being perceived by a person. Many things can be heard at the same time and the person is not always aware that they are hearing them.

Listening in comparison requires more involvement. A person is aware that they are hearing something and they try to translate then noise into actual words carrying a meaning. Listening requires the recipient, i.e. the person who listens, to concentrate on the sender, i.e. the person who speaks. There are many reasons why the hearing of a message doesn't translate into listening. This could be that the recipient is not aware that they are meant to listen or that they are distracted and their attention is divided. It could also be that there is too much noise which stops the person to be able to listen to the message as it is drowned out by other noise.

In order to ensure that hearing turns into listening we therefore have to ensure that the environment allows the recipient to focus on what we say and is aware that they are meant to listen.

== To listen or to understand ==

We now established that listening requires some focus from the recipient of the message. But do we understand what we are being told, just by paying attention to what is being said?

The honest answer is no. If the sender of the message uses words that I am not familiar with I can listen as carefully to the message as I want, but I will not be able to understand it. It doesn't matter if the sender speaks to me in a foreign language I am able to speak or if the vocabulary used in my own language is not in my knowledge. The latter could be if internal terms unique to a company are used of if I am not familiar with a specific topic (e.g. nuclear technology).

So to enable us to understand we require a specific skill set - we need to know the words used and we need to have the ability based on previous experience and learning to follow the logic applied in the conversation.

The best way to ensure that the recipient understands the message is by asking for feedback. By turning a one-way communication (talking at someone) into a two-way communication (talking with someone) the understanding of the message can be verified. It also allows the recipient to obtain additional information required by asking questions.

== To understand or to remember ==

It is easy to assume that a message once understood will be remembered going forward. However, just because we understand what someone explains to us doesn't mean that we will remember it. The expression "in one earandout the other" comes to mind.

When passing on a message it is important to be aware of the sheer volume of information and messages the human brain processes each day. If the message is received at the same time as many other messages it might be forgotten very quickly. Or if the message is perceived as less important than another message it might not stay in the recipients' memory.

In order to ensure that the message, once understood, is remembered, it is important to make the message a high priority in the recipients mind. This can be achieved by weighing the message by using an "important" sender. A message conveyed by a senior manager or that has been passed down from a senior manager will be treated with a higher importance and therefore remembered better than a message by a colleague.

Another option is to apply the remembrance pyramid which explains that a message heard is considerably less well remembered that a message reinforced visually or by practical application.

== To remember or to do ==

Now that our recipient heard what we had to say, understood it and even remembered it, he surely will do what we asked him or her to do. No? Well, we might be able to understand what is being said and we remember it, but we don't truly understand it and believe in it. We might understand what someone asks us to do. But if we don't get an explanation as to why we are being asked this, we only understand the meaning but not the reasons why.

And it is in the human nature to try to avoid doing things which don't appear logical to us or in which we don't believe. If I am on the 20^th floor of a building and there is a fire I might understand why people keep telling me to jump out of the window. But I still might not do it because I know I'll die if I jump and I still hope that the fire can be stopped in time before it reaches me.

In order to get people to do what they remember having been told, they need to be convinced. It is possible to convince someone to do someone through explanations and reasoning, e.g. in above example they could explain to me that the fire brigade is 20 minutes away but the fire will break through to my room within 5 minutes, but that there is a tent at the bottom of the building and my chance to survive is bigger if I jump. But it is also possible to convince people to do something they don't want to do by promising a reward or threatening with a punishment. If possible you should always try to get someone to do what you want by getting their agreement as it is a more sustainable way of getting them to do it again and again.

== To do or to do consistently ==

Unfortunately doing something once does not mean that it is done consistently. Until people get into the habit of doing something it is easy to forget it again or to change their mind. The latter could be the case if the person has a bad experience, e.g. they did what they were asked to do but it did not work or it took a long time. They are likely to revert back to their old way of doing the same thing, ignoring anything they were told beforehand.

In order to ensure something is done consistently it needs to be regularly reinforced. Only by reminding the individual before the instruction is to be carried out again that it has to be done in a certain way you can ensure that this will take place.

If parents tell their kids or if managers tell their staff something, they usually expect this to be heard, listened to, understood, remembered and consistently done or applied. Forcing someone to hear what you have to say - maybe by shouting - won't necessary achieve this objective. Communication is a two-way process and it is important that each step from saying something to it being finally done consistently is supported to achieve the expected outcome.