Communication Skills in Your Marriage

I played a gig at a 75 year anniversary party a few years back. I had a nice talk with the couple who was celebrating. I said to them, "Wow, 75 years! I have to ask, how did you do it?" They looked at one another, the gentleman asked his wife to answer me. She looked up and said, "Oh I won't lie to you, over the years, I've thrown my ring at him more than a few times, but we TALK about things. We TALK about how we feel and what bothers us." It's all about communication! If they can do it, so can the two of you. Let's go over it shall we?

Tone

No one likes to be yelled at. He doesn't like it and she doesn't either. When you are yelling at your spouse, he or she is not listening to a word you say. Sure, they HEAR you, hell, even the NEIGHBORS hear you. But they are NOT listening. You can't accomplish any effective communication by yelling at your spouse. So calm down, count to ten, take a deep breath and TALK in a normal tone to your spouse. He or she will be more likely to LISTEN to you and not just HEAR you.

Don't Talk In Code

That's right. Don't talk in code. Women are more likely to do this than men. I had a girlfriend once who I met online. She found out I had a female friend on my yahoo messenger. She didn't yell at me but she was worried about it. I told her that her and I were only friends. Her reply was that her and I started out as friends and it developed into something more and the same could happen with this woman. I told her no it wouldn't because I'm not opening myself up to that. I'm not LOOKING for anyone because I have you. She just kept on pushing and pushing. So just to shut her up, I agreed with her that it wasn't a good idea. Then she flipped out, saying, "So I was RIGHT, something WAS developing between the two of you!". (I roll my eyes even now as I recall that moment).

How many guys have been in this situation? You want to go out with the guys, your wife says, "No problem baby, you go and have a good time". You go and you come home to get the cold shoulder from her. You've been duped by a code! You are supposed to be able to READ her mind and you should have chose to stay home with her INSTEAD of going out with the boys. I know, "But she said to go out and have fun". That was her talking in code man!

OK ladies. I'm gonna let you in on a secret. Your man (like all of us men) are not smart enough to understand code. Now if the above situation was reversed and the lady wanted to go out with her friends. If her husband wanted her to stay home with him instead. He will say, "Baby, I was hoping you could stay home with me tonight and we can rent a movie" Most of the time, a man will come out and say EXACTLY what he means. Why? It's because we're not smart enough to talk in code. If you use "code" on us, most of the time, things will NOT go in your favor.

I had a girlfriend once. I told her, "I think we need a bit of a break". She said, "So you wanna have sex with other girls!!!". You see, woman often think that us men talk in code too. We can't understand it. Why would we use it? We said we need a break because we want a break to figure out what our next move is. If we wanted to have sex with other women, we would say, "I think we should see other people."

This Is Your SPOUSE!

That's right. To have and to hold from this day forward, in sickness and heath, yadda yadda yadda. You were both that and you both said that stuff. You made a lifetime commitment to each other. There should be NOTHING that the two of you cannot talk about in your marriage. If you're sexually frustrated in your marriage, TALKING about it can change things. If you're bothered by her having a male friend. TALK (don't yell) to her about it. If you're worried about the influence his hell raising, and rowdy buddy has on him, TALK to him about it.

Just talk about it. Communication is the one of the keys to a successful relationship. Good luck.