Communications 101 for Guys

The old year, 2010, is around the corner, heading rapidly toward the far horizon, and we're well into 2011. By now, you've probably already failed to live up to even one of your New Year's resolutions. There is one thing, though, that you should resolve to do this year - improve your relationship with your significant other. If you're a gender-impaired member of the species; another way of saying male, folks; this can be a challenge. Let's face facts; men do not understand women, while the female of the species has us pinned to the card, neatly categorized, and ready for display.

There is, however, one thing you can do that will make your woman; be she spouse or merely significant other, and I've never figured out what that means; think you've been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by an android. That thing, dear members of the male, and thus weaker, gender, is learn to communicate effectively with her.

Believe me; this one skill alone will make you the wonder of your neighborhood. You'll be held up as a paragon, a virtual role model for all of your male friends to follow. The reason for this is simple; men don't know how to communicate with women. We think we do, but believe me, we don't. We nod when they say something, and when they ask us ten minutes later what was said, we look blank. They ask a question, and we promptly put our lower appendages in our oral orifices, further complicating a relationship that is about as simple as one of those kid's toys that come unassembled.

So, how do you work this magic, you might ask? To start with, there are a few questions that you have to learn to answer correctly, or evade. If you can get these right, you just might not have to do more.

Question One : "Honey, do you love me more now than when we first met, or less?" Oh boy, I didn't see that one coming. Okay, you can't dodge this one. So, try this. "Darling, I've loved you more and more with each passing day, until my feeling for you is unmeasurable." Now, wasn't that easy? She'll be so flabbergasted that you were able to get that many words out, and with emotion, she just might not ask you any more questions for, oh, maybe an hour.

Question Two : "Does this dress make me look fat?" Even if it does, don't be a jerk and say so. Likewise, it won't work to simply say, "No." Here you have to be creative, and sensitive. Likely, she's not feeling too good about herself, or perhaps feels she's put on a few extra pounds. If you can avoid answering by changing the subject, you're probably better off, but if she's really down about her appearance, you're on the hook for an answer. How about this: "That dress makes you look like the woman I fell in love with." If the dress is a real dog, though, she'll know it, and that answer won't work. Then, assuming you know a fashionable dress from a rag, you'll have to try another tack. "Dearest, nothing you wear makes you look bad. You make everything you wear look good."

Are you getting the picture, guys? Women want to be loved, and they want to hear it now and then - more now than then, believe me. Most guys aren't comfortable with all that mush stuff, but if you want to really have a good relationship with the girl of your dreams, and keep her from turning into your worst nightmare, dive in and get mushy. You might surprise yourself and discover that, not only is not all that hard to do, but it makes you feel better as well.

Oh yes, and don't forget to bring her flowers once and a while. Not for special occasions; you should of course do that, but just for no other reason than you love her. That's communicating with a 'Capital C.'