Comparing Married and Single Guys

Married Guy - The newspaper, stock reports, nutritional labels on breakfast foods.
Single Guy - Playboy articles, comics, cartoons and the coupons on the cold pizza box.

Situation: Getting Ready for the Day

Married Guy - A nice shower, meticulous shave, mousse and a coordinating power suit.
Single Guy - A brisk morning run from that girl's apartment last night - a side trip through the sprinklers and finding a pair of clean clothes amidst the carpet cover known as dirty laundry.

Situation: Commute to Work

Married Guy - Being responsible by wearing a seat belt, using proper signaling and obeying the laws of the road.
Single Guy - Having the razor plugged into the cigarette lighter, hair spray applied at the red light and received the finger 3 times before making the first turn.

Situation: Work Break

Married Guy - Having sophisticated conversation with co-workers about politics, the war and ironing techniques.
Single Guy - Hitting on the new secretary, spiking the morning coffee, dirty jokes and trying to find a way past the computer restrictions on some websites.

Situation: After Work Snack

Married Guy - Pepto-Bismol and Tagament
Single Guy - A white Russian and strawberry edible underwear

Situation: "Does this outfit make me look fat?"

Married Guy - "Nothing could make you look fat, you're beautiful beyond words."
Single Guy - "No, your fat hips and thighs make you look fat."

Situation: Night with the Guys

Married Guy - With his two sons and a coloring book.
Single Guy - With Jim and Skunk driving on the railroad tracks.

Situation: An Argument

Married Guy - The silent treatment after bringing up every event that was their fault since the inception of the relationship.
Single Guy - The disagreement that is immediately followed by wild make-up sex.

Situation: "Do you love me?"

Married Guy - "I love you more each and every day."
Single Guy - "Well, I don't hate you."

Situation: The Boss wants to see you.

Married Guy - Confident to receive praise from your successful presentation to the board.
Single Guy - Worried the big guy found out about toilet papering his car or the mass company email cutely-titled "Mr.Johnson: Nicely Hung or Barely Sprung?"

Situation: Christmas Gift Giving.

Married Guy - A necklace for the wife and toys for the kids.
Single Guy - A flashing tie for dad, beer for the peeps and a cute little blue dolphin for the women he wasn't able to date that calender year.