Conan O'Brien Quotes: Funny Jokes from Late Night TBS Host
Top 10 Conan O'Brien Quotes
He's not that funny when he is sober
"If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk."
Conan O'Brien quote on women
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'"
Conan O'Brien quote that disses Dan Rather
"CBS news anchor Dan Rather has interviewed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. When asked what it was like to talk to a crazy man, Saddam said, 'It's not so bad.'"
Michael Jackson joke
"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
On Tom Cruise and Ricky Martin
"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."
Final words on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien
"And all I ask is one thing and this is... I'm asking this particularly of young people that watch. Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism; for the record it's my least favorite quality, it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, it's just true."
It's all about a woman's eyes until...
"The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts."
Quote on New Jersey
"The results of a new study are out this week saying that New Jersey is one of the most livable states in the country. The study has a margin of error of 100 percent."
Disney in China
"This week Disney opened its first ever theme park in China. More than ten thousand children showed up on opening day. And that was just to make the T-shirts."
Conan O'Brien quote on immigration
"According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if they got a chance. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percent already live here."
For more great quotes from your favorite celebrites check out www.celebritiesquotes.com
Published by Bryan Mckinley
My writing interests are all over the board including novels, scripts, novellas, short stories, articles and poetry. I'm almost done with the first draft of a romance novella and the first draft of a movie s... View profile
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