Coney Island's Insectavora Whispers a Message to Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Jerry Seinfeld and a Few Other Very Funny Celebrities

I'm back once again with "Insectavora," the lovely and enchanting actress,singer and Coney Island Sideshow performer. On March 23, 2011 she made an offer to Roseanne Barr, Ben Stiller, Conan O'Brien, Chris Rock, Jimmy Kimmel, Robin Williams and Ashton Kutcher: Review a film I just starred in and I'll give you $10,000 and the worldwide rights to the movie to donate to the charity of your choice. So far none of the big shots have answered. But Insectavora is not down. In fact she's hopeful that one of these celebrities will come forward. I met her on a very sunny day in a very dark bar in the East Village. Here's the interview.

Me: So how's the charity project working out?

Insectavora: Considering that none of the group from the second list has answered us I'd say it's not so good and not so bad. It's basically in limbo, waiting for the word from these gods of Hollywood.

Me: Did you ever think it would be this hard to hear from them?

Insectavora: I didn't have any idea about the area of difficulty we'd be operating in. It's basically like trying to sneak into the headquarters of CIA. It's very strange, in kind of a disturbing way, as to just how guarded these big shots are. I mean, we're not trying to get an autograph or ask them to be in a movie. We're not trying to get anything from them. We're trying to give them something. Namely, $10,000. And it's nearly impossible just to get an assistant of an assistant on the phone.

Me: That doesn't sound good.

Insectavora: Thanks for clarifying that.

Insectavora finishes her drink and orders another.

Me: So do you have a back-up plan?

Insectavora: I'm formulating one as we speak. You gotta think quick in situation like this. Hunting the celebrity is a very challenging task. They're a reclusive and well-guarded animal. If the lure of money won't get them out of their natural habitat then another strategy must be incorporated.

Me: And that is?

Insectavora: Flattery. Appeal to their desire for praise and applause. I deeply and dearly love each and every one of these celebrities that we've named. They're very talented and charismatic and, right now, I'm swooning just thinking about them. So maybe I'll put my thoughts to paper and write some fan mail, some letters of admiration. That might be a nice ice breaker.

Me: that sounds like a good idea.

Insectavora: Anything that comes from a true, pure and positive place in the heart can't be bad.

Insectavora orders a shot to go with her beer. She looks at me and smiles, a signal that I should pay. I place a $20 bill on the bar. Insectavora is already jotting down notes for the first fan letter on the back of a cardboard Budweiser coaster. I'll report back in a while on how things turn out. In the meantime check out NightOfTheDayOfTheDawn.org for more details.