Confess All Your Sins Please

I had one of 'those' conversations today down the local hardware and salvage yard. I asked the young fellah behind the counter if he had any plastic buckets with handles and lids. The conversation went as follows;

"Yeh - I got a couple of used ones in the back room. You can have them for free".
"Thanks. Why are they free"?
Turned out there were none left there.
"I use them to mix up my dynamite", he told me.
"What you blow up", I asked.
"Tree trunks, palms, etc", he said.

Now, from my experiences at work I am used to encouraging people to use their dangerous tendencies in more positive ways so I said, "Well you should go to Tech College and get a shot-firers license, then get a job in the mines earning mega-dollars".

"Can't do", he replied "cos I have a criminal record from when I was young".
"If you were under 16 then it should be expunged", I said.
"Not this one" was his reply.
"You must be a very naughty boy then".
"I was smashed on ice and axed someone up"
We exchanged opinions about 'ice' and how it can make people real paranoid and very dangerous.
"Did they die"?
"No"
"Did you know them - or were they a stranger"?
"Yeh - it was my step-dad who kicked me out of home when I was 13".
"What did your mother think"?
"Haven't spoken to her since".
"How do you feel about that"?
"Shit happens. I'm getting on with my life. I don't do drugs any more".
"Not even (I motioned the commonly used body language indicating 'gunja' "?
"Nah".
"What about (I then motioned for drink)"?
"Not even that".
"Do you have any friends"?
"Yeh - there are some young folk who don't do drugs or drink".

Then he got drawn away by a customer needing advice.
I'm sure it wasn't about how to axe up their step-dad.
The conversation would probably have gone for quite a while and I would not have run out of questions.

After I left the store I thought about how this was surely not an everyday type of conversation. Do other people have such conversations as a regular occurrence in their lives?
I have been told a few times that I ask direct and confrontational questions. That can upset some folks.
It could have been a healing thing for that young fellah to have said such things out aloud. And I guess he will be thinking about the content of our conversation over the next few days.

I thought about how I have worked with both victims and offenders and the different approaches used in differing situations.

In a way I hate to say it but perpetrators can sometimes be easier to work with; they are often happy even to encounter someone who can be that direct with them without getting judgmental. They tell me that I seem to understand and take the bother to care. They don't tend to duck the tough questions and usually answer them honestly and openly.
They don't 'trigger' in the same ways that victims often do and I don't need to use as much 'righteous anger' when I'm dealing with them.
They like to be tough and welcome tough questions; and they often thank me for asking them such difficult questions.
I find it's often not easy to step on the toes of these 'toughies' who so seem to appreciate someone asking them tough questions.

On the other hand it is much easier to upset a particular subset of victims who like to indignantly hang onto their hurting places, shielding them from view.
On the contrary these fellahs seem to want to expose their hurting places but in a more non vulnerable type of way ; they want someone to listen and feel that someone can acknowledge and understand them.
This particular fellah would most likely be fairly easy to rehabilitate. I really hope it happens for him.