Confessions of a Borderline

and addiction

of thin people and purging

of beauty and betrayal

I dont listen to you because I dont care

I am empty and numb

My world is black, no light, no people

just me and the scissors

myself and my own blood

I prefer my life without any people in it,
because I prefer the quiet.

I am sometimes a different person day to day.

noone understands the different sides of me.

you think im crazy, depressed, hyper, irritated.

YOU DONT HAVE TO BE ME.

YOU
DONT
LIVE
MY
LIFE

I would rather die than live

I would rather be alone often. because then

NOONE CAN QUESTION ME

I scream but everyone is DEAF

I stumble but everyone is BLIND

I reach out and noone wants to touch me.

I DONT CARE ANYMORE

YOU
DONT
UNDERSTAND

I fight to live and the next day I want to die
I am ready to start a project and the next day

have totally lost interest

I DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY

WHY SHOULD I CARE WHAT YOU THINK

I AM A CONSTANT MOODY MESS.

I cannot get myself together because I have never

been in one piece in one spot
I am always all over the place

I

CANT

EVER

SLOW

DOWN

When I am hyper for a day I am depressed for 3

after
When I talk to fast you want me to repeat myself
but I have already forgotten what I said

I am so irritated, I get on my own nerves.

I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY. LITERALLY LOSING MY

MIND, CANNOT UNDERSTAND MYSELF.

I AM LOST IN THIS WORLD OF MINE

OF

SHADOWS

STARS

AND BROKEN THINGS

I AM ALWAYS RACING, THOUGHTS RACING

TOO MANY THINGS TO THINK OF AND NOT ENOUGH BRAIN

CAPACITY

YOU CANT KEEP UP? I CANT EITHER.

I just want to get away from myself.

I just want to have a normal mood.

I am cutting because I cant keep up.
because I dont know why i feel so crazy
so weird. so FAST

I want to turn my brain off so I can rest.

I am tired now. all in a days work.

bedtime. TIRED BUT CANNOT SLEEP.

DAYS LATER I AM DEPRESSED. JUST LIKE THAT A SWITCH

HAS FLIPPED.

so tired I cannot function, cant get up, the dogs

are barking. cant wake up. too sleepy.

I am sad and un-interested. The house could be

burning down and I would still be
a ZOMBIE staring into SPACE
I AM Living in MY WORLD TODAY.

EYES wont stay open. have been sleeping 14 hours.

the clock keeps moving but my body has stopped. If

I wake up I might cut.

The shadows haunt me in my dreams. trying to pull

at my pillow. time to wake up, wake up wake up

I feel like im in a coma and I can hear you but

cant find you. theres no light in my special

place.

hanging Blankets over the windows... the light is

ridiculous. how am i supposed to sleep?!?!

the dogs are depressed too.

Thinking of killing myself. only because I am

bored?
No its because....well I dont know why. How

stupid. I will un-think it.

"WHY dont you do anything all day long?! I work

and you do NOTHING"

I cant stay awake long enough to clean. The house

gets dirty. when my mood gets goes high again I

will be so irritated
that it got dirty, and it will be your fault. of

course.

I am losing my mind. I am not me today. I canr

function like this.
why am i so numb. dont feel love, dont feel hate,

dont feel like I care about ANYTHING.

You dont understand you yell all the time. throw

things at the wall. how irrational!

I cut all over my legs because you are so mean to

me. over and over and over.

NOW WHO IS IN CONTROL.

I feel lifeless, helpless, hopeless, tired,

confused, lost, empty, hurt...

But I know it wont last....just have to make it

through until I can be the other me.

The other me in the mirror...