Confessions of a Convenience Store Manager

Anyone who has ever worked in retail has heard that... it's when a customer picks up a piece of merchandise that has a pre-printed price (from the manufacturer) prominently included on the package, and waits until the clerk is busy doing something else before asking that stupid question. (Yeah, I hear ya: "The only stupid question is the question not asked!") Believe me; as a former convenience store manager, I'm here to tell you there are LOTS of stupid questions!

Oh! Before I take you down this particular Memory Lane... this is the answer I gave once to that particular stupid question:

"Lady, if you need to ask, you obviously can't afford it."

Of course, I mumbled that under my breath before saying, with a forced smile by the way:

"Oh! I'm sorry... Frito-Lay must have used a bad ink that day when they printed the bag. Yes, I guess it is hard to see the big orange lettering inside a black burst graphic on top of a yellow background. Ah! Here it is... 99 cents!"

Ah, yes... the stupid things supposedly smart people do and say. I'm often curious to know how we as a civilization have digressed to such a point. Are people really that stupid? Or, have we all just gotten so used to other people doing a lot of the meaningless and simple things for us that we have forgotten that we even have common sense? Maybe, just maybe... we've just gotten lazy. Now that's sad... too lazy to think. As my "Pops" likes to say: "Damn good thing breathing is automatic or a lot of people would die!"

I'm sure there are lots of examples of this human condition. Just look around and within 30 seconds you'll probably see one, or two... or quite a bit more. I could go on for hours just recalling the examples I've seen... just in the past few months... but I reckon my fingers would cramp up on me after awhile. So... I'll restrict my, uh, "observations" to the convenience store industry of which I am more familiar.

Case Study #1: The 'no checks' policy

The customer approaches the counter where the flustered clerk is already tied up with another customer on the lottery machine. The lottery customer is being a particularly annoying sort, rattling off a mixture of 3-digit and 4-digit numbers; this one "50/50," that one "straight for a dollar," and "NO! I said I didn't want Power Play on the Power Ball." The "bread and butter" customer, meanwhile, stands quietly, waiting her turn... and reads the sign taped to the counter. "We cannot accept personal checks." Finally, the gambler snatches his tickets from the machine, hands over his $20 nightly habit, and storms away without so much as a "thank ya very much." The young clerk sighs deeply, pushes her pony-tail back under her uniform cap where it belongs, and walks over to the other side of the counter where the woman who was patiently waiting has covered the counter with an assortment of sundries. The clerk finally finishes scanning all the items, and presses the "total" key on the cash register. "That'll be $16.79, please," she says, with a forced smile. The customer pulls a checkbook out of her purse... "You do take checks, don't you?" The clerk mumbles something not quite nice, thinking the customer doesn't hear her. But, the customer does hear her and follows her first stupid question with another one: "Where's the manager?!? I demand to speak to the manager!!!"

Well... here's how I handled that situation!

"Hi, is there a problem here?" I smiled, a forced smile, by the way, and pretended to listen to the customer's concern.

I nudged my employee to check the roller grill, then listened intently to the rest of the customer's harangue, trying not to laugh as I got a mental image of a hen-pecked husband somewhere. Finally, when I was satisfied that she'd run out of breath, I pointed to our 'no checks' sign, and said, quite sweetly, I might add, "That'll be $16.79, please. And no, we don't take checks."

She handed over a $20 bill, I completed the transaction, and smiled that forced smile again as I counted back her change. "Thanks for shopping with us today! Do come again soon!"

"I was saving that for the lottery," the old lady mumbled on her way out the door.

Case Study #2: Lottery Lunacy

Speaking of that old lady who was saving her $20 bill... can there be anything more stupid than the way a lot of people get so wrapped up in all the hype and hope of beating those unimaginable odds of striking it rich?!? Let's face it, shall we? A popular analogy is that the odds of getting struck by lightning twice in the same place are a whole lot better than the odds of winning a huge jackpot. When you get right down to it, the real odds are 50/50 ... you're either going to win, or you're not.

Okay, so it's an addiction for many; I understand, but that doesn't mean I have to like it! From a consumer point of view, me being a consumer that is, I don't support it. I won't waste even a dollar on a lottery ticket. (I guess I'm old-fashioned; I believe in making money the old-fashioned way... earning it!) But, as a convenience store manager, I had to support it. (I sure didn't feel bad about skirting the rules in order not to promote it so much.) It just didn't make any sense to me at all... economically, in regards to overall profit. I mean, why should I go out of my way to satisfy an arrogant customer who's only giving me 5 cents on the dollar, as compared to the kid who buys a candy bar for $1.19 and in effect gives me a 30% gross margin... see there? Stupid!

I always dreaded seeing a particular game's jackpot amount hit those 100-million dollar marks. I knew I'd get slammed with those idiots who really thought they had a chance. "Oh! But you've got to play to win!" the promos say. "Well, go play somewhere else and quit inconveniencing my convenience store customers!" was my usual retort to that catchy slogan. (I'm still amazed I didn't get fired for being so anti-lottery!) I remember a staff meeting I held once for my crew; the first time Pennsylvania's "Power Ball" game got into that 100-million dollar range. I had been given the company line on the "tremendous sales opportunity" and was instructed to brief my sales clerks accordingly. Here's a sample of how that went:

"Okay, let's get this over with," I started the meeting. "The jackpot for the Power Ball is up to 300 million; we're going to get slammed. Be ready for it..."

And that's where I kind of got off the company line...

"I'm supposed to tell you to respond quickly to the lottery customers, so as to get them in and out quicker, so as not to inconvenience our bread and butter customers too much. Take turns between the lottery and cash register customers. That's what I'm supposed to say, and okay, I said it. Now, here's what I want you to do... I don't give a rat's hairy butt if there is a line for that dang lottery out the door and wrapped around the building five times... the very second that a kid comes to the counter with a candy bar, you stop your lottery transaction... even if you're not done with it... and you take care of that kid first. And don't worry, if any of those idiot lottery customers want to complain, tough... they can play that stupid stuff somewhere else, and I don't care if my boss likes that or not... OH! Hi Boss... didn't hear you come in!"

I guess what bothers me the most about lottery is the effect it has on people. And I'm not talking strictly customers in a convenience store; I mean overall. It's sad to see so many of them who appear to be struggling between pay checks just to make ends meet come into a store and casually play $20, $30 ... up to $50 a night... every night. Kind of makes me wonder... do these people sleep in their cars or what? How can "average" people afford to do this?!? I suspect many are maxing out every new credit card they get with cash advances... some, perhaps, are selling their food stamps and using their welfare cash allowances to play. Desperate people do desperate things.

I observed a customer once who lost track of his "budgeted" amount... he racked up over $30 one night... and when I handed him the tickets and told him what he owed, he said to his young son: "Go put that stuff back where you found it... Daddy needs those extra couple bucks to pay for this." I felt so bad for that boy when he walked away to put back a 20-ounce bottle of Hawaiian Punch and a bag of potato chips. A week later that same man came back... he wanted me to "check" his stack of tickets to see if he'd won anything. He did; $2. Quite the return on that investment, huh?

In spite of what the various state lottery agencies like to make people believe, the lotteries really don't benefit the advertised programs as much as they want us to think. Take Pennsylvania, for example: "Benefits Older Pennsylvanians!" (They used to say "senior citizens.") Well, okay... it does, some. But I'm curious... if the Pennsylvania Lottery is doing such a fine job helping out our "older Pennsylvanians" then why are so many of them working part time jobs at Wal-Mart and places like that, spending their meager Social Security checks playing $20, $30 or more every night on Lottery? Here's something else to think about:

For the fiscal year ended June 30, 2006, the Pennsylvania Lottery's gross revenues were slightly over 3 BILLION dollars, while slightly less than 1 Billion actually made it to the fund that administers distributions to the various senior citizens agencies... no doubt a big chunk of that money is for "agency expenses" like inflated salaries and perks. In other words, less than one-third of the total revenue goes to the programs that the lottery boasts, while more than half goes to pay the prizes. So... who really benefits? (*)

(*) Source: www.palottery.state.pa.us

Case Study #3: "We Card!" means we really do card!

The young man pulls up in front of the store, driving a nice car, quickly kisses his girlfriend (who is sitting beside him on the front seat), then gets out of the car, comes into the store, sees the signage all over the place that says "We card. No I.d., no tobacco!"

He walks down the candy aisle, pretending to be looking for a certain brand, doesn't find what he's looking for, and heads over to the cooler doors for a soda. Maybe some of that Arizona Tea... the nicer bottles makes a neat impression on the girlfriend. He turns to look at the cash register area every so often, waiting until a line forms, knowing just when to get into that line... when he thinks the clerk is too busy to notice that he doesn't have what he already knows he needs to buy what he really came to the store to buy.

He stands patiently in line swapping the bottle of Arizona Tea between each hand, mentally rehearsing his spiel and hoping he'll at least sound older than he is. He notices that he's not looking "cool" enough, so he adopts a more "mature" stance. He begins to pretend that he's in some kind of hurry... yeah, that's the ticket. Pretend to be in a hurry, and that way the clerk will understand and just give him what he wants. He's next in line... he looks around one more time to make sure that "Manager Guy" isn't looming about somewhere. The "Manager Guy" already knows he's not old enough to buy what he wants to buy. The woman ahead of him takes her change and walks away... it's Showtime!

"Marlboro Lights box," he says in the best deep voice he can produce, not making eye contact with the clerk.

"I.d please," the clerk smiles.

"Uh, yeah... sure, okay," he says, and begins that ritual of "looking for it" ...

He pats his pockets; pants pockets, shirt pocket... he didn't notice that the clerk has already seen the Pennsylvania Driver's License in the plastic thing inside his wallet when he pulled the $5 dollar bill out to pay for the cigarettes.

"Must've left it in my other pair of pants," he says in a slightly less deeper version of his rehearsed "grown up" voice. "But, hey, I'm 18... it's okay, you can ask anyone!"

"You can ask me, Cheryl!" I laugh, coming out from the back room. "Oh, hey Andy! How's it going? So... what's your Dad getting' ya for that 18^th birthday coming up... next year!"

The boy with the red face dashes out of the store... leaving the nice looking bottle of Arizona Tea on the counter. The "Manager Guy" calls his friend and manager of the next Uni-Mart in line. "Andy's on his way."

Case Study #4: "There's something wrong with the gas pump!"

It used to be that we in the c-store industry could trust our customers to pump their gas and come into the store to pay for it. In fact, we preferred that they pumped their gas first, because then they could come into the store and BUY SOMETHING!! (Yeah! Like on impulse! Imagine that!) Well, with the price of gas nowadays being so high, and the gross margin on it being so low, many convenience stores have had second thoughts about all that. For the most part, it's "credit card or prepay only, please!"

Now, how stupid is this: the customer pulls up to the island, parks his car, gets out, reaches for the nozzle, puts said nozzle into his gas tank's throat, then pushes the button for his selection... then stands there reading the sign that says: "Credit Card or Prepay Only." After about a minute, it dawns on this genius that the pump is not pumping gas! Oh my! He checks to make sure he has the nozzle firmly inserted into the gas tank's throat. Check. He lets go of his squeeze on the trigger, then squeezes again. Nope! Not even a drop. He looks back at the store... sees the clerk motioning him to look at the sign on the pump's panel that says: "Credit Card or Prepay Only." He's getting frustrated now because he doesn't understand what the clerk is expecting him to do. He presses the button again... then presses the other two octane level buttons. Still nothing! Now, he's getting irritated.

He yanks the nozzle out from the gas tank's throat, puts it back in its cradle, then storms to the store, huffing and puffing like he's going to blow that brick building down. "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT PUMP!!!" he shouts to a smiling clerk.

"Is there a problem here," I smile as I come out of my office.

"Uh, no... I mean, uh, well... I can't seem to get that gas pump to work out there," the man says, not making eye contact with the "Manager Guy."

"Well, it's credit card or prepay only," I say. "There's been too many drive-offs. Sorry for any inconvenience."

"Oh, hey, I understand! No problem!" he says, and lays his credit card on the counter. "Uh, $20 ought to be enough. Thanks."

Case Study #5: "Do you sell beer here?"

At present, Pennsylvania law prohibits beer and wine to be sold in a convenience store or grocery store. Why? I don't know... politics, I reckon. Now granted, most tourists or travelers from other states don't know that, but, one would think it would be rather obvious after looking at every single cooler door in the store and not seeing any beer or wine!

Here's one of my more memorable experiences along those lines:

"Hi!" I said, welcoming a new customer I'd never seen before.

"Hi." ~grumble-mumble~

The man went to the cooler section where nicely painted lettering on the wall above each door indicates what's behind a particular door. "Milk/Dairy" ... "Soda Pop (three doors)" ... "Teas/Water" ... "Juices/Gatorade" ... NO signs that say "Beer/Wine" and why not? Well, because in Pennsylvania, we don't sell beer and wine in convenience stores! Simple, right? Well, maybe not.

The stranger studied the contents behind every single glass door. (I was beginning to think he was a spy from another chain who had come into my store to see what I was selling.) Finally, after he studied the same doors again, and even looked through the glass doors where the painted words on the wall above said "Frozen Foods/Ice Cream" he walked slowly back to the front of the store; kind of like a puppy walks away with its tail between his legs after getting yelled at for peeing on the carpet.

"Do you sell beer here?" he asked.

Yep, you guessed it... I was polite when I told him that, no, we don't sell beer in any convenience stores or grocery stores in Pennsylvania. I even kept that forced smile on my face when he asked:

"Uh, is there a grocery store around here where I might be able to buy a six-pack?"

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Stupid things that smart people do...

Thanks for taking time out from you day to stroll down my Memory Lane of working in a convenience store. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed recalling it. Convenience store work is hard work; especially in the smaller franchised stores that are severely limited by budgetary constraints and have to keep their payroll at minimum levels to turn a profit. Perhaps after spending this time with me now, you might develop some kind of appreciation for those mostly young men and women who are just trying to make it to the end of their shifts without going nuts over some of the stupid stuff they're forced to deal with... while wearing a forced smile.

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