Confessions from the Depressed

It seems that any physician with a prescription pad is handing out antidepressants like candy. Acne getting you down? Ask your dermatologist for some Prozac. Bunion on your big toe? Some Zoloft should take care of that. The point is that not everyone truly needs antidepressants. There are people in this world who suffer from real, clinical depression. These are people like me. Here are my confessions:

I put on a happy face. The world doesn't need to know every single one of my mental neuroses. Many people who are depressed will hide behind their very own painted on face. Some people even go to the extent of lying to therapists, counselors, and even psychiatrists in order to seem more "normal." Nobody wants the world to know that deep inside they are secretly crazy.

We realize what we are doing to ourselves, but cannot control it. There are times when a depressed person will lash out or cry uncontrollably. We can hear ourselves in our very own mind saying, "Stop this. This is ridiculous." But we can't listen to that voice for some reason. So the rant continues.

Getting out of bed is a chore and can drain our energy for the rest of the day. We may not be tired as we lay in bed staring at the ceiling or willing ourselves to fall asleep once again. The bed is a comfort zone. The bed is protection from everything in the outside world. Simply prying our bodies from the bed can take all of our reserve energy and set us up for a day where all we can think about is going back to bed. The bed is like a pacifier for someone who is depressed.

There may be absolutely no reason for our depression on any given day. This is the hardest thing for other people to understand. They cannot fathom why someone with a spouse, fabulous house, great job, dog, and 2.3 children could be depressed. Only people with terminal illness, people who are homeless or bankrupt, or have faced a recent tragedy should feel depression. This is untrue. Many of us have no real reason for depression besides a chemical imbalance that cannot be seen to the naked eye.

We don't sit around all day moping. We have lives to lead too. Even if the depression is serious and our world feels as if it is closing in around us, we must continue to feed the dog and drive the 2.3 children to ballet, soccer, and whatever the .3 child chooses to do for an extracurricular activity. We must buy groceries and pick up the dry cleaning. We must pay the bills and even make love to our spouse on occasion. Even the depressed need to go through the motions.

Depression rules my life. I may make plans with my husband to see a movie on Saturday night. Then Saturday comes around and I am too tired to even shower. There are days when I don't get dressed and days when I get enough energy to clean the entire house spotless. Depression can be unpredictable, but it is always there.

There are many different reasons for someone to suffer from depression. This means that everyone is different. Everyone feels different. These confessions will not apply to everyone who is depressed.