Confessions of a Long-time Republican

I recently read Barak Obama's March 18, 2008 speech on race, and it reminded me once again how difficult this upcoming election is becoming for me.

I rarely talk politics, mainly because I find that politics tend to divide people. There are so many polarizing issues. And so many assumptions that are made because of how and where one lives, chooses to worship, what color they are, and what "if any" party they register with.

So, I've remained mute on this subject while reading others' eloquent thoughts on such matters.

I have been a registered voter since turning 18, and I have voted in every presidential election and many state and local ones. As a new adult, I initially registered as a Democrat for two reasons: 1) my grandparents were lifelong Dems and 2) one of my teachers recommended it so that I could vote in primaries in my home state, which at that time rarely had a candidate from the opposing party.

My husband and I have moved around quite a lot during our marriage, and each subsequent state that I registered in did not require you to declare a party to get a voter's card. So, when it came time to go to the polls, I chose whom I wanted regardless of affiliation. Admittedly, these were almost exclusively Republican votes for me.

When we moved to our current home almost two years ago, I was once again faced with the "choose your party" requirement. Yet, there was a space that said "no party". So, I chose that since I didn't feel this state and it's parties needed to know who I tended to vote for.

My card was mailed to me emblazoned with the words INDEPENDENT. I found that sort of humorous since I've never once voted for an Independent candidate, but I liked the idea that I wasn't automatically lumped in with either of the two major parties.

Fast forward to today. I have to admit that I haven't followed the candidates as closely as I perhaps should. But for the first time ever, a Democratic candidate began to garner my attention.

Now, understand, this is a huge departure for me. There have been times where, admittedly, on the local level I voted for a candidate strictly because they were Republican, feeling "safe" to do so. My views have almost always lined up with the more conservative of the two affiliations.

But like so many others, I don't like the current state of affairs in our country.

And so yesterday I read Obama's speech, and I thought it was brilliant.

I am still not sure which way my vote will go. Honestly, I have ruled out Hillary; I just don't trust her. But Obama intrigues me, and he has a spark that I don't think we have seen in a long, long time. Rhetoric? Perhaps. A ploy to get votes? Perhaps. But there is just something about him - his words, his vision - that give me hope. I haven't felt that way about a political candidate in a long time.

Now, I also don't think Bush has done as horrible a job as many do. (Please hold your fire; I am not saying he's done a good job, I just don't think it is as awful as some propose.) So, you can see the conundrum I am in.

What I do know is that something has got to change in this country. When the House votes for a budget that none of the current prospective candidates agreed with, or voted for, I see a continuing problem no matter whom of the three front-runners end up in the White House. I think we have to realize that a lot more of what is wrong with our country lies at the feet of congressmen and women who cater to special interest groups and continue to vote for/in programs, etc. that we really don't need.

And if Obama does in fact believe about the race issue as his speech indicates - if his words were not empty and solely for votes - I am encouraged and impressed.

Some are criticizing him for his continued church affiliation/membership. Before you are so quick to judge, please consider that there can be many reasons why someone would continue to attend a church where they don't 100% agree with/support the leadership. Reasons to continue attending can be numerous and complicated. So, try not to criticize Mr. Obama too harshly, as we probably don't know the whole story behind that.

There is yet another reason why this election decision is going to be a tough one for me. I am pro-life. I have always voted for a pro-life president.

But I do think it is also important to note that no pro-life president has been able to do anything of real change/substance in the pro-life arena. Sometimes I wonder if their stance is more to keep the conservative vote than that they will really do anything to change the laws (and even if they do make the effort, it never seems to get anywhere).

Think about it; it's been over 30 years since Roe v. Wade, and things are basically the same. I think that we need to re-examine our methods. Educating women and teens on the repercussions of casual sex and abortion probably would have, and likely does have, a much bigger impact than outlawing it. I know that when someone close to me faced an unwanted pregnancy, talking to someone about the developmental stages of the baby had a huge impact on her and her decision to have the child.

I think it is also important to note that the Republican front-runner has changed his stance on abortion within the past 9 years. Now, perhaps he has sincerely changed his mind and is now pro-life. But what if it was more to secure votes? That possibility concerns me.

There are no easy answers here, for certain. To me, abortion is a heart issue more so than a legal one. That is not to say that the unborn should not be protected. But no matter what our laws say or don't say, women will continue to abort children. Those are the cold, hard facts. And I don't like it - not one bit. Yet I don't know if passing laws to "prevent" it is the answer either.

This decision is not going to be an easy one for me. That's for certain.

Conservative brothers and sisters, please keep the rocks small.