Confessions of a MNF WHORE

Recently I awoke with the beer breath, full tummy bloating and strained tonsils that are all too familiar for me these days. But today I have a moment of clarity as I crawl to my feet. I feel as any used body would, the shame of being abused once more and the day-light brings clear knowledge of a scene most real foot-ball fans today are familiar with and suddenly I understand and accept that yes "I have become a Monday Night Football whore".

It started for me a long time ago when things were simpler and the game was more like the gridiron highlight event it was conceived to be. Twenty-two men at a time, throwing their bodies around a one hundred yard playpen, for an hour, in a winner take all statement "We are the best in the NFL this week". I used to reel at every bone crushing play, sigh with satisfaction at every quarterback dump. A close-line play brought me great ecstasy and the man in motion brought such expectations that the play that followed paled in comparison to my hopes and desires. Yes, I was truly messed up!

But now after years of diluting the product it is more like an episode of the "Keystone Cops" without the penalties. Penalties? Did someone mention the zebra flags last night; they were so numerous that at one point I thought the cheerleaders were throwing them also. There were so many that they seemed to blacken the sky.

The Monday night match ups are picked a season in advance to highlight the predicted "most important match ups" of the coming year and like most football fans, I bite at the bit impatiently to get my fix from Tuesday morning till Monday night and each time for many years, I have felt dirty and degraded without a cab waiting to take me home.

Not even the chance of capturing the NFL west crown out right could keep the Cardinals from giving the game away. When throwing it away wasn't doing the job as well, they started to fumble. San Frans' quarter back Alex Smith took advantage of two of these by throwing touch down passes into a secondary that was completely depleted and torn to shreds by the long night on the field. It is amazing that the defense could take the field in the last quarter.

As I watch this, I think "what am I waiting for, grab the remote and see if a Tiger Woods update is available or an old episode of Wings, anything but this." No, I just sit there like an unsatisfied bride, hoping there is something more or maybe "Did I miss something"?

But all too soon the gun sounds and I realize that I have again been duped and the humiliation starts to build once more. The "Card's" lose 29-9 and their pain will start to end in December if they do not make the playoffs but I won't be so lucky. A few more weeks mean a few more MNF events and the wide eyes of a hopeful football whore still wait for satisfaction.