Confessions of a Phlebotomist

When I was single, my dates would ask me what do I do for a living, and I would say, I am a phlebotomist. Then I get the familiar blank stare," you're a what?" Then I reply, a vampire, I draw blood for a lab." then I get the "Ohhh" Amazing, once you phrase in a way, that is some what actually an insulting way to my profession, people understand. I really don't suck blood nor do I have fangs, but if I say I am a vampire, they understand my job suddenly. This has always been the case thought the 10 years I been a phlebotomist. Plus I have lived in 2 states, and doesn't matter what state your in it seems you get the same reactions, and similar common sense issues when it comes to peoples health. What do I mean? Well let me tell you some the more common situations I seen through my career.

It never seems to amaze me in the winter, people walk in with the big, bulk coat sit in the draw chair, and then say "oh, do I have to take my coat off?" how do you expect me to get the blood, I love to say, "no keep the coat on, it may take me 15 times to hit the vein, but I get it eventually." But being in healthcare you can not be a smart alect like that, you smile and say, "please do" Another instance comes to mind is when you draw blood and when the needle is put the arm, you put a cotton ball or gauze over the area and you ask the patient to hold it. Yes soon as you take your finger away and get ready to get the bandage, you hear "I'm Bleeding", you want to scream "no kidding that why I asked you to hold that cotton/gauze there" but you don't you have to smile. I would say my favorite of all things that patients do when they don't use the common sense, is if the bleed through bandages, the all walk in like Frankenstein with the arm out straight and the are afraid to touch...their own blood!. I am the stranger it is not my body fluid, so I should be the one afraid to touch it, but no it is the patient, who afraid to touch their own blood.

That just the tip the iceberg, I can tell you stories of things I seen and people have done, One time I was on ER duty and some the case you see come in, like the mom who rushed her 8 year old to the ER, all because he had a comb stuck in his hair. A simple cut of some scissors and the problem was solved. Or the woman who was such a germ phobic decided to boil her urine sample, all because she was afraid that we would get an infection if we handled her urine. All she accomplishes was 1 of two things, either she killed all the bacteria, or she incubated the bacteria to show she had a massive infection.

I laugh when I get in my email true Er stories, and a friend of mine said these can not be true. And the truth is they probably are, because I see similar or worse then what being emailed. There is a joke with a few my other phlebotomist friends we should write a book with our stories, it would amaze you just what people do, These are normal people, that the thing that gets you. For example, I had a patient in the ER who misread suppository instructions and east the suppository and wanted to know why his mouth was funny. Or man who has a PHD and didn't understand a 24 hour urine collection, he thought he had to hold his bladder for 24 hours.

Today's people are very knowledgeable about many things, but for some reason when comes to their health, the common sense isn't there. I do not know if it is because we are just scared because it our health/ our life, or we just don't want to know if there is something that is wrong. But I did have a patient recently who said to me that my job must be boring, because all I do is draw blood. He was so wrong, it isn't boring, we are entertained by the public, everyday we have a new thing that keeps it interesting and most the time is just the lack of common sense.