Confessions of a Sandwich Snob

For those of you who've read more of my food articles here on Associated Content, you are probably sick of hearing me say this, but as with all places to eat, take any Maryland mom & pop deli and put it up against one here in Raleigh, NC, and Maryland's will always win. I don't make the rules; it's just how it is.

In Maryland, some of the most delicious delis are the mom & pop ones located on the first floor of virtually any office building you go to. Here in Raleigh, apparently there is no such thing as a deli within an office building. When we first moved here and I asked around regarding which office building had the best deli, people looked at me like I had three heads. A year later, I have yet to find a good mom & pop one -- instead being forced to deal with national chains (and you already know my feelings about national food chains).

In light of my inability to locate a good mom & pop deli, here are my reviews of what's available here in Raleigh:

Subway

I don't know about anyone else, but personally Jared never did anything for me. Subway's advertising campaign showing Jared losing tons of weight by eating at Subway every day did nothing to change my belief that their sandwiches are simply not up-to-par. To be sure, I do believe it would be an effective diet to eat at Subway every day because you'd get a few bites into your sandwich and then throw the rest away. This would be a great reduction in daily calories as long as you don't follow this up with going to McDonald's.

My first disappointment with Subway came back in the day when you would ask for provolone cheese and they'd give you white American cheese. Maybe the rest of the population is ignorant about cheese, but just because it's "white" does not mean it's provolone. Don't try to fool me; I will break you.

There was a momentary glimmer of hope for Subway when they started offering their fresh choices of breads ("Italian Herbs & Cheese" being my bread of choice). This glimmer of hope faded into resignation when I realized the rest of the sandwich tasted exactly the same -- and no matter how good the bread [sometimes] is, it can't completely cover up the taste of mediocrity.

To top it all off, their Web site is just as terrible as their sandwiches: http://www.subway.com

Panera Bread

I am not a bread person in general. My son could easily survive for a week off a gallon of milk and a few plain baguettes, but -- if given a choice -- I'd rather eat ants and dirt. The only kind of plain bread I like is the kind layered with butter (and a packet of Splenda thrown in for good measure). So any place that touts itself as a bread specialty store is immediately crossed off my list of potential places to eat. Fancy blueberry scones do not move me, nor do carrot walnut muffins or fresh croissants. The only exceptions to this "no bread" rule are anything cinnamon and sugar, anything chocolate, and anything high in fat -- so I happily indulge in sweet breads such as apple pastries, cheese danishes, cinnamon rolls, and chocolate chip muffins. A girl has to have her standards.

Since quite confusingly my opinion of places to eat does not seem to impact the rest of the Earth's population, there have been times when I've been forced to eat at Panera Bread because others in the group wanted to. It is during these times that I allow myself to lose sight of reality and simply choose to go to my "happy place" in my brain, so that I don't have to deal with the trauma that I'm experiencing. One painful Panera Bread memory that I have involved thick, stale bread, too-thickly sliced turkey that tasted like fish, and a lack of any condiments on the sandwich. Do you really think your bread tastes so good that no one will want mayonnaise on it? Puh-leeze.

I didn't like this sandwich shop when it was called "Au Bon Pain" back in the 1980's, and I don't like it any better now as Panera Bread. Any company that has as its mission statement, "A loaf of bread in every arm" is simply, shall we say, "mentally challenged."

http://www.panerabread.com

Quiznos

There was a time when I was infatuated with Quiznos. I remember one time when hubby and I traveled to Las Vegas where we ended up eating at a Quiznos inside the hotel. It was easily one of the most delicious sandwiches I'd ever eaten, and when we got back home all I wanted was to go to Quiznos again. But somehow, the Quiznos back home just didn't taste the same. They say "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," so maybe the Vegas Quiznos was allowed to make their sandwiches somehow "extra tasty." I don't know, but after that one sandwich, no others ever lived up to it. (I'm sure there's psychology at play here too, with things always tasting better while on vacation.)

For yet another one of my intriguing generalities, I don't like anything toasted. The heat from the toasting tends to blend the flavors instead of enhancing them, and it also compromises the sandwich's texture. Having sandpaper slough off the roof of my mouth while I'm trying to eat a sandwich does not make it enticing to me. The toasting aside, the "Tuscan Turkey" (hold the red onion) is acceptable in a pinch (when there are no ants or dirt available to eat instead).

http://www.quiznos.com

Jimmy John's Gourmet Sandwiches

This place is all the rage here in Raleigh. Why? I could not even begin to tell you -- except that maybe no one who likes Jimmy John's has ever eaten a real deli sandwich before (like, say, maybe from Maryland? What! I'm just sayin' is all...).

To me, the service you receive at a restaurant is an important component of whether or not I'll eat there again. Even if the food is terrific, if the service isn't, I probably won't go back. So mix bad service with bad food, and why would anyone ever go back?

The first time I walked in to a Jimmy John's, I was greeted by a punk/emo 17 year old female with piercings covering half of her face and hair that was dyed "blue-black" so often it was probably now also the color of her brain. I told her that I was really hungry for a great turkey sandwich, and asked her if they had white bread. She just looked at me like I had three heads (I get that a lot) and said of course they have white bread. When my sandwich arrived, it was not on white bread -- it was on a sub roll. I took it up to her and reminded her that I had asked for white bread and she told me very indignantly that it was white bread, a white bread sub roll to be exact. Ah, youth.

The sandwich was completely without taste; completely ordinary; utterly without personality. Boring. And yet Jimmy John's is the food-stuff dreams are made of here in Raleigh. Everyone and their mother orders from Jimmy John's at lunch. Honestly, I just don't understand it.

http://www.jimmyjohns.com

Schlotzsky's

Ok, now here's where I get excited. Yes, it's a chain (gasp!), but it's one that I actually love. I ate at Schlotzsky's when we lived in Scottsdale, Arizona; I ate at Schlotzsky's when we lived in Irvine, California; and now I get to eat at Schlotzsky's here in Raleigh. Sometimes there is justice in the world.

To make matters even more confusing for you (if you're still getting over the fact that I love a chain deli), Schlotzsky's serves their sandwiches hot. And I still eat them, and love them. Call me crazy, but there's something about this deli that just warms your heart and fills your belly with happiness. Their sandwiches are different for sure, using toasted (gasp again!) sourdough bread, and shredded lettuce instead of fancy whole-leaf spinach or something else stupid. When you bite into their sandwiches, the world is just suddenly a better place.

I am not exactly an adventurous eater, so when I get something I like, I tend to stick with that. So you'll laugh at me when I tell you that I've only ever had -- in my entire lifetime -- one sandwich from Schlotzsky's deli, and I'm basing my entire review of this deli on that one single sandwich: the Smoked Turkey Breast. Try it and you'll understand why. Ok, I'm salivating all over my keyboard so I have to stop writing about it now.

http://www.schlotzskys.com

Honorable Mention: Jason's Deli

Hubby and I happened upon this deli while traveling to Greensboro, NC. We were trying to get in to a Mimi's Café but the line was too long, so we gave up and went to the deli around the corner. Except for the obvious segregation there in the "deep South," the experience was fantastic. I'm listing Jason's as an "honorable mention" simply because I've only eaten there once, and it wasn't at the one in Raleigh. The fact that it was delicious could have been a fluke. I will have to go back a few times for more in-depth "research."

The sandwich I got was the "Deli Turkey Wrap" (yes, I know -- I have no creativity) and it was amazing. Would it be just as amazing here in Raleigh? I will have to find out some day. Oh, the things I put myself through for my reading public... I hope you all are grateful.

http://www.jasonsdeli.com