Confessions of a Single Mother

This is yet another parenting exposes that has been inspired by "Confessions of a Stay at Home Mom" by Heather Michelle. My daughter is on her second block of cartoons so I'll have to make it quick and dirty -

We like being single most of the time. We get all the love and hugs, and get to make all the decisions.

Sometimes it's so sad that there's not someone to share that love. It's like watching the sun rise on your own. Wonderful and awe inspiring, but bittersweet.

We wish wish we could be the "easy" parent every once in a while. The one who doesn't have to stand by a "No" answer or risk losing credibility. Telling a child to "Go ask your ___" would be a nice luxury.

TV isn't a complete demon. It's a sanity saver - a buffer during those times that we're about to leave home or are winding down.

The kids don't eat veggies every night and that's OK. Convenience foods for dinner aren't the cheapest or healthiest, but a relaxed evening at home is priceless. And it is my deep belief that mac n cheese prepared with a calm loving demeanor is magically imbued with the nutrition of organic roasted asparagus and quinoa. Really. Tastes better too.

Most of the time we'd rather be with our kids than on a date.

Sometimes we need to be away from the kids more than anything. And we feel just a built of guilt about that, but not too much.

We miss having that extra towel to pick up or extra socks to put away. A little domestic nurturing is a small price to pay for sharing hopes and burdens with another adult.

We feel like second class parents. Our little units don't qualify as the typical "family" demographic and we won't be buying McMansions in the 'burbs, but we aren't the young free singles that are catered to either. Where's MY demographic? Something like a pre-fabricated, marketing driven, "single parent family" ideal would be nice to aspire to. I want my choices vindicated and where else will I find that but the mall? (said only partly tongue in cheek)

Deciding to date a man based on whether he'd make a good parent is not wishful thinking, it's reality and necessity. So is deciding to date a man based on his work history and finances. We can't indulge the artist/musician/poet.

We don't have to shave or get a pedicure unless we're going on a date. We can skip showers entirely once in awhile and no one notices. That is true freedom.

We know all too well the fears of mortality or being infirm. We probably know more about wills and finances than many married women.

Payday can never come soon enough. Ever. There's also never enough hours in the day. I started writing this at 3am to bring in extra Christmas money. 'Nuff said.

We'll go into debt far too often to make sure our child/ren doesn't go without. It's more important that we look like your average nuclear family than we'd like to admit.

Once we think about it a bit, keeping a picture perfect house just isn't that important. Being present with our kids trumps perfection.

We've given over the last of the leftovers and had crackers or coffee for dinner more than once.

Sometimes it's nice that the boyfriend goes home at night - makes it easier to sleep in and watch cartoons or call a stop at 7-11 breakfast. Other times, if he stays till morning, makes the coffee and starts the shower, he's Superman.

We don't ask for babysitters nearly as much as we would like them.

Sometimes we wish we could marry a man we didn't love as long as he was a good parent. Sometimes we wonder if just maybe we could.

When a married mother says "I may as well be a single mother." , we want to scream. That's like saying you broke you leg and you may as well be an amputee. There is no comparison to being truly single. If your husband is abusive or chronically irresponsible/unemployed that's another matter and you should be getting help. Anything else is demeaning how much work we put into raising good kids.

On girl's night out we can flirt with the cute waiter/bartender/musician - and mean it. Married friends can live vicariously through us, but our little secret is that we just as often do the same through them.

There's a subtle barrier between single mothers and married. You're afraid on some level that we want your husband. We'd really just like to borrow him to get to our "honey do" list done.

We have more time to get to know ourselves and more freedom to explore our interests than many mothers. I don't have to ask anyone's opinion on turning the dining room into a mini-studio or meditation nook, and when I'm done with my explorations I can move on without reproach. More opportunities for self development means we'll make someone a better, more evolved partner one day.

So there you have the single mother's dirty little secrets. We're conflicted, no doubt, but we have the greatest time in the world raising fantastic kids.