Confessions of a Waiter on Mother's Day

As a server I can say that there is nothing worse than Mother's day. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother but working in a restaurant, any restaurant, on Mother's Day just plain blows. Don't try calling off work a month in advance, because every employee is forced to experience its madness. It's as if a black hole spontaneously appeared on this wonderful day and sucked up every family only to spit them out at the front door of every local dining establishment.

The day begins when the restaurant opens, usually 10 or 11 am. From there the day begins slowly, since the husband is supposed to make the kids and mom breakfast. The key word is supposed to, I am not sure if a bowl of cereal counts as making breakfast, but then again men are men and most are completely oblivious to the workings of kitchens.

Around 1pm, the madness begins. Parties usually range from three to twelve people so if they were smart, they planned ahead and reserved seating if possible. On the other hand, the people who planned on winging the reservations are experiencing the weather outside. In Cleveland Ohio the weather ranges from sunshine to thunderstorms, either way grandma is going to complain. It's not their fault, it's hot/raining and grandma is hungry since someone forgot to make reservations. Oh, did I forget to mention that the average minimum waiting time is one to two hours. Happy Mother's Day!

As far as the restaurant staff goes, amateurs will crumble in the heat and start to cry. Cigarette breaks are non-existent. Managers are even too busy to yell at you, well that's a lie, they are never to busy to yell at you. Don't even think about talking to that hot hostess, because that is not going to happen. If you ask the cooks where your food is, it might just end up on your head - which is great considering it might match your reddish sweating face.

As far as the bus boys go, they are never to be found when you need them, but on this glorious holiday you will pay them to clean your table slowly, just so you can catch up. Oh, I almost forgot the dishwashers; surprisingly most dishwashers work at the same pace whether it's Mother's Day at PF Changs or Monday night at the local hole-in-the-wall bar.

Don't forget service with a smile, smiles are proven to increase your tips, unless you have a party of more than eight, in which case the tip you will be getting is listed on the menu. Perfect server technique includes giving these kinds of parties less attention than other tables, because the tip is mandatory, and don't worry, the server won't forget to put it on your bill. So remember, parties less than eight will give you better service, because you are still the tip controller, master of the dining the universe!

At the end of the night everyone is exhausted, sweating, and chain smoking cigarettes until the end of the night, until everything gets cleaned. The money a server makes on Mother's day is usually not that great, considering the parties you had, and you definitely had at least one party, sat for a minimum of two hours and still gave the tip percentage on the menu.

But that's ok, the night is over and soon it will be time to celebrate Mother's Day with your coworkers. But wait; there is always one inconsiderate table that comes in five minutes before the restaurant closes. Oh well, it's nothing you have to worry about, it's the closers job to take the table. But then you remember you are the closer. After trying to sell off the last table to the other servers, you realize that's its ultimately pointless. So you buck up like a little champion, go smoke your last cigarette, pop in a breathe mint, plant the fakest smile on your face, and greet the table. Happy Mother's Day.