Confessions from a Workplace Bully

I admit it. In another career, I was a workplace bully. At that time I justified my poor behavior because I was a manager. For an article that began as my attempt to discuss a recent event of workplace bullying with me as the target, my words are betraying that intention.

Contemplating on how to approach this topic I keep coming back to what I brought to the workplace. Much like the alcoholic working through the Twelve Step program, I feel stuck between Steps Nine and Ten which are making amends, taking inventory and promptly admitting the wrong. No matter how I shake it, dress it up and attempt to make it look good, my conscience still identifies with the definition of the "Workplace Bully."

The definition at Wikipedia.org states that workplace bullying may "take a wide variety of forms, from being rude or belligerent, to screaming or cursing, destruction of property or work product, social ostracism, and even physical assault." According to Zogby International, thirty-seven percent of workers surveyed in a 2007 study had faced bullying in the workplace. The report further suggests that forty percent of all targets leave the workplace as a measure of coping adding to operational losses.

Organizational consultants and mental health professionals, Drs. Gary and Ruth Namie formed the Workplace Bullying Institute to assist the American worker and workplace through education. Their work has identified twenty-five of the most common tactics used by workplace bullies; the top ten have been provided below. Check http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workplace_bullying for the entire list.

1. Falsely accused someone of "errors" not actually made (71 percent).

2. Stared, glared, was nonverbally intimidating and was clearly showing hostility (68 percent).

3. Discounted the person's thoughts or feelings ("oh, that's silly") in meetings (64 percent).

4. Used the "silent treatment" to "ice out" and separate from others (64 percent).

5. Exhibited presumably uncontrollable mood swings in front of the group (61 percent).

6. Made up own rules on the fly that even she/he did not follow (61 percent).

7. Disregarded satisfactory or exemplary quality of completed work despite evidence (58 percent).

8. Harshly and constantly criticized having a different standard for the target (57 percent).

9. Started, or failed to stop, destructive rumors or gossip about the person (56 percent).

10. Encouraged people to turn against the person being tormented (55 percent).

In my effort to make amends, it is impossible for me to reach all the people I have managed. As I became healthier in my personal life, I can recall a few apologies I made to those I had violated in the workplace. Sadly it was a mere token. So "making amends" today is me teaching and empowering others the best way I can.

In my real-life trek through addiction and issues of codependency, I discovered Al-Anon, the Twelve Step program about the same time I learned the true power of an apology. The thing I love about an honest apology is--it tells the other person, "I value you." It acknowledges the person as a creation of God, worthy of respect for reporting for life that day. When applied properly the words "I am sorry" can have the same affect as any scalpel; it can cut away oppression from the target as it severs the nerve of pride from your life. The heart-felt apology event can be transforming. (Some call that repentance but that's another subject)

When dealing with bullies, actions do speak louder than words. Here are six steps for fighting back (extracted from "The Bully at Work," (Sourcebooks, 2003) by Gary and Ruth Namie).

1. Get support from family and friends. Talking about the problem eases the burden and lowers the chances of stress-related illness.

2. See a doctor or a therapist, especially if you're having stress symptoms such as sleeplessness and appetite loss.

3. Get witnesses to help you build a record of the bully's actions for a future complaint.

4. Confront the bully with the same toughness he or she showed you. This should be done with a single witness or as a group.

5. File a complaint. This will take courage but it is important to establish a paper trail.

6. Make a case to remove the bully. Attempt to show your employer the costs of keeping the bully and of losing you.

When dealing with bullies there is no one caveat which will resolve your situation. It is good for you to remember that bullying involves the abuse or misuse of power. While you may be the focus of the bully's immediate attention, the bully personality may have other emotional issues perhaps to resolve that has nothing to do with you!

Many bullies may have been abused as children and remain in difficult relationships in need of professional help. That was my story. And yes, I got help but not as quickly as I was removed from management. Gratefully that loss has turned out to be my gain as I continue to glean a few life lessons. I have found failure to be an excellent teacher and a catalyst for change. Words like "compassion" and "apology" are the stitches I offer others bleeding from a bully's blow. Borrowing additional words and direction from the twelfth step, I offer enlightenment with a whole lot of hope that your circumstances will change.

"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these (and other) steps, I attempt to carry this message to workplace bullies and to practice healthier behaviors in my daily affairs."

Citations

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workplace_bullying

http://www.zogby.com/news/ReadNews.dbm?ID=1353

http://workplacebullying.org/press/seatimes.html