Confident Parenting Skills: What Every Parent Should Know

Below you will find what every parent should know about increasing their parenting skills and becoming a more confident parent.

Competition
We live in a very competitive world and we can't help noticing how other people manage their homes, relationships and children. Soon our lives are lived constantly looking over our shoulder to see if we are performing up to scratch. This is made worse by the media which presents a strange slant on reality. Many popular magazines overtly promote 'The Perfect Marriage', 'Perfect Sex', The Perfectly White Business Shirt', 'The Perfectly Balanced Breakfast Cereal', 'The Perfect Child-Rearing Method'. When it comes to raising children, competition is often at its fiercest.

As you wait in the baby clinic, you may wonder why all the other children seem bigger, stronger, toothier and more advanced than your own. At preschool you may feel embarrassed when your little one fails at cutting-out or romps around when the core of children are pasting, painting and listening to stories.

If you already doubt your ability, competition only makes it much worse. Parenting is never easy, but if you're constantly comparing everything your toddler does, you can easily end up feeling like a failure. Remember, competitive parents tend to cloud the perspective by boasting about the rare and clever while keeping quiet about those normal, annoying behaviours that all toddlers have in common.

Interference
Mother-in-laws - I'm sure that's what first springs to mind when I mention interference. But interference can come from various well-meaning, nosy sources: your own parents, siblings, mothers' group, friends, neighbours - the list is endless.- Interference is advice that wasn't needed in the first place.

What is it about interference that is so damaging to your confidence as a parent? If you spend all your time worrying about what other people think, you begin to doubt yourself. You wonder, 'Am I doing a good job or am I a second-rate parent?' The reason that interference gets up people's noses is its message of 'You can't do it as well as me, so listen up: here's what you should do'.

Grandparents find it particularly difficult to not interfere in the raising of their grandchildren. They can recall having been through all this with their own children and they don't want the ones they love to stumble into the same traps. But like toddlers, parents learn by experience and no matter what grandma tells them, they have to work it out for themselves.

There is a fine line beyond which advice becomes a hindrance rather than a help. Nobody likes being told what to do. Most people react by blocking it out while quietly simmering inside. As they become more resentful, the interference blocks communication and fuels arguments.

There are ways to win without losing confidence and being drawn into battle. Our number one priority is the wellbeing of the child, followed by that of mum and dad. They are the majority shareholders and if interference is causing stress to them (and by default the toddler), it's time to exercise their options. There have to be some rules and boundaries if you are going to maintain your sanity. It's lovely to listen to what grandma has to say if she's being helpful, but you may need to filter her advice. I'm not suggesting a contract of informed consent before loved ones dare to offer their opinion, just some awareness of the no-go zones.