Conflict Resolutions for Adults - Mature Behaviour During Troubling Times

Conflict resolution: Is there ever any 'pat', one size fits all set of rules that cover any situation in which we may find ourselves, by choice or by circumstance? I truthfully don't believe that such is the case. However, I offer the following suggestions for methods that we may choose to resolve stressful, emotionally charged and sometimes overwhelming human conflict.

1. Do not respond, verbally, in writing, or by body language, immediately. When confronted by an angry individual, literally back off. You deserve the opportunity to fully collect your thoughts and, often, your physical space and well being. When someone attacks you from seemingly out of nowhere, you are owed the right to assess the situation. Back off physically and mentally.

2. Stay calm. When you CHOOSE to remain calm in a conflicted situation, you automatically have taken the upper hand. Your choice allows you to set the pace and the tone of the resolution. If you become overwhelmed by emotions, valid or not, your position is weakened by the lack of character you've shown in not selecting a state of evenness.

3. Maintain that calm, collected composure in addressing the situation. Speak slowly, if you must, in order to retain that composure. Take a deep breath if you need. Once you've chosen to take the upper hand in a calm manner, you are now able to confront the individual confronting you first. Do not allow yourself to become overwhelmed by an individual who has himself lost his composure. Remember, giving in to unbridled emotions is truly a sign of mental weakness.

4. State the fact clearly and concisely. Repeat the words that were said at the start of the conflict, if you must, in order to address them point by point.

5. Did the situation arise as the result of something that affected you in writing? An email, a review, the results of an interview, a billing error, anything that came out of the written word? Now that you know not to just jump blindly into a situation, take the time to sit down and write out your own written response. Get as angry as you need to be. Say exactly what is on your mind. Respond back to the writer in kind.

And then, tear up the letter or delete the email.

Now give yourself ten, fifteen minutes to re-read the written words in a rational fashion. Having done that, in writing address each point clearly, crisply and to the point. Make your case, and back it up with facts. Do not resort to name-calling, abusive language, or throwing criticism back in the face of the author. You have chosen to respond in a manner of your own choosing: intelligently, and with much thought.

Set the email or letter aside for at least 24 hours, or longer if you can. Then go back and re-read your own words. Do they need a bit of polish? Can you eliminate several sentences and still make your point? Make the finished product as clean, crisp and to the point as possible before responding.

If you find yourself in a conflict situation in which you may be physically harmed, remove yourself immediately. There is no honor in being injured or, God forbid, killed, if the possibility of removing yourself from a situation immediately is available. Stay away - literally and physically - from your attacker. If a conflict arises in the work place, leave your office. Go sit in the rest room. Go sit in your car. Sit in an empty office or conference room. If it happens in a restaurant, retail establishment, salon, any place of business, the best thing to do again - whether physical danger is imminent or not - is to physically remove yourself from the source of conflict as quickly as possible.

Bullying among children has become an increasing problem starting at the elementary school level. If you can handle yourself well, and be proud of the way that you handled a situation, it is urgent that you realize these skills must be passed along to your children as well. Good conflict resolution starts with you. It continues with you keeping your physical well-being, dignity and presence of mind intact. You want the same for your children, and it's frankly never too early to display these skills to your children, whether by words or your own actions.