Confronting Childhood Obesity Head On

This is not about a 300 lb kid on Oprah. This is about a normal American family, who struggles daily with the heartbreaking issue of their overweight daughter (and the parents who feel like failures) in the fight against childhood obesity. Our experience with childhood obesity is probably like so many regular American parents. One small difference may be the personal trainer we finally sought who gave us great advice. But first, let's get acquainted...

My 12 year old daughter is tall for her age, but her height is not this issue. She is 185lbs. To put that in perspective, I have a 13 year old son who is also tall (taller than her) who weighs 116. To further put that in perspective, I am 6'1" and I weighed 185 lbs 9 months pregnant with my first born - and that is what my 12 year old weights today.

She wasn't a fat toddler. A little pudgy maybe, but a lot of 3 year olds are pudgy. I didn't start to notice a significant difference till about 4th grade. I didn't harp on the subject to protect her self esteem but in private, my husband and I talked about it. We kept saying things like, "We are failing...we have to get consistent and make a move NOW." But tomorrow turned into weeks and "ice cream night" never came with exclusions. That was then.

Now, 4 years later, I feel like we have tried it all. We have had straight talk conversations, we have established exercise routines, we have installed a lock on the pantry, and we joined a gym. But nothing really changed other than her feeling guilty about eating too much in front of us. In the end, I feel like what we are up against at 12 is bad habits, sneak eating (to avoid conflict) and good ole random genetics. In this house of genetically thin, 5 others...except this one daughter, it makes it that much harder.

I am sure we are not unscathed by psychological problems, as well adjusted as she seems. But these days, disorders are main stream and I am not naive enough to believe there might be something else...but what? That may be a story for another time.

This past year my husband and I decided to go see a personal trainer on her behalf and with her. So, we booked the $80 appointment in high hopes, thankful for new hope. My husband and I are fit by nature and often feel like fish out of water. We have never "been there, done that." We don't know what it feels like, or how to get to the bottom of it. We suffer from a parental perspective called ignorance. In the end, we need to be educated and we know it.

Sadly, we have waited till the cruel years of middle school - all the while harping on book smart and achievement for esteem, which has worked. But it hasn't fixed the growing health concerns...and this year, the teasing has commenced full force. Baby doesn't need new shoes, baby needs tactics!

The first meeting with the personal trainer didn't go well. It was a private meeting with just me, my husband and him. I have no idea what he said, but I can tell you what we walked away with. We walked away feeling like it was our entire fault. Statements like, "Good habits start at home." And "Ultimately, it is up to you." We nodded and knew he was right, but it didn't change the fact that we left feeling like we had let it go too long, we had failed! We liked him for his straight talk approach, which is the only reason we returned. This time we returned with my daughter.

I remember her being really nervous. She was embarrassed and wanted to know if he was going to weigh her. We assured her that it was a "getting to know you" type thing and there would be no exercise or anything. We told her that if she didn't like him, we wouldn't go back. We said, "This is your chance to check him out...not the other way around. We are paying...not him. We are the customer and he has gone to school for a long time to help people just like you. Just be honest and we can all talk about what we think of him after it is over. That's it." I think that helped. But what we weren't prepared for were key statements he would make to her that would help...help us all.

On a Scale of 1 to 10
After introductions and talking to my daughter a little about her life and hobbies, he drew a horizontal scale on a whiteboard from 1 to 10. Under 1, he wrote the word "Sick". Under 10, he wrote the word "Fitness/Sports". Under 5, he wrote the word, "Healthy." He then told my daughter a story of how he had cancer and was sick (he pointed to the 1.) He said he needed a trainer to get healthy (and pointed to the 5)...how he even needed help walking to the mailbox. Then he added how once he was healthy, he was able to start training for marathons....fitness (and he pointed to the 10!) He asked my daughter where she thought she was on this scale. Brilliant! She identified herself a "3."

He asked her, "If you were a 10, what sport would you play?"

This tactic not only shared personal experience, but gave my daughter the opportunity to
"buy-in" and confess that she was not where she wanted to be. It also allowed him to use her words, not his in examples going forward. This conversation ended with him saying, "Then, let's get you to 5 - healthy...and then we can move on to getting you on the Volleyball team!" She was listening.

Would you Eat Dirt?
He moved from that to say what it takes to get healthy. This was launched by a question. He asked, "We all know cars run on gas. What if I put dirt in the gas tank?" She answered with the reasonable, "It would ruin the car, probably." He then went on to affirm her choice of words and liken it to her body. He told her cars have no idea how to process gas. After that, he explained that your body has no idea how to process high fructose corn syrup. He explained that syrup doesn't even come from corn! (That was actually kind of funny.)

Her assignment: He sent her home with an assignment to go through our pantry and take out everything (if I would allow this mess.) He told her to look at the ingredients and only put back in the pantry what did not have "corn syrup" in it. She thought that sounded easy and fun...until we got home. As you can guess, there were very, very few things BACK in the pantry.

The point was made that so many things we eat, our body does not even recognize as food, nor can it extract a single ingredient from - and it turns to fat. WOW. With the World Wide Web, and so many resources out there saying the same thing...it was nothing as real as doing this exercise and really understanding how much junk we eat that our body struggles to process. Key word: Junk (aka Dirt.)

Move
His last point was about movement. His assignment was ultimately 15 minutes of walking a day. He asked my daughter to name things she could get done in 15 minutes. His goal was to prove, not much. I recall him saying, "So, could you watch an episode of SpongeBob in 15 minutes?" The answer was no, of course.

He went back to his cancer days to say how hard it was to get to the mailbox. He talked about how he couldn't breathe and would have to sit. He talked about saying to himself, "It is not that far." Then he offered the encouraging outcome of completing the Chicago Marathon. He concluded with the fact that it started with walking to the mailbox and referred to the 1 to 10 scale again.

Is She Pencil Thin Now?
No. She is almost 13 and doesn't weigh much less (but she is a lot taller.) But, I can say this year, she understands the importance of reading ingredients and making a choice on her own to avoid corn syrup. She also will surprise us with the statement, "I'll be back in about 15 minutes. I am going to walk." To us, this is a victory. It is her victory, not ours. SHE realizes, for the first time in her life that her health matters and SHE is ultimately the one who controls her weight. It is a burden, but a controllable. And it is far better than something that cannot be controlled. It started with simple education.

This year, I control what I buy. I stand in Wal-Mart Grocery and read labels. It may not be Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, but for us...education has taken us from closet eating to the effects of understanding what that translates to...being sick. I hope this story finds you encouraged - because sometimes the victory is not on the scale, it is in the mind...and that can slowly shift the scale to the greatest victory of all. That is the personal victory of knowing you understand, you chose to make a difference and you did.

Childhood Obesity may not be conquered on the home front as easily as a couple well-intentioned trips to a physical trainer, but every little bit helps. Raising awareness to the child, and helping them understand practical impacts of their own choices was a huge start for us. It changed the game from us against her, to us helping her come up with simple tactics that will make a difference.