Connor's Rules for Cats Who Own People

Hey my fellow furries! My name is Connor and I'm 1 year old. I have some really important stuff to tell ya, so listen up. If you're gonna own people, there are rules ya need to know about to get the most enjoyment out of 'em.

I practice these every single day and I know they work. My mommy is always yelling stuff at me like, "Is your butt on fire?", "Connor Devil, I'm gonna skin you!", "There goes Matrix kitty again." I have no idea what that is but she sounds amused when she says it. "Shut up dang it!" and "Don't make me get up!" I kinda like that one cause she never does, get up that is.

I have lots of rules to choose from but I'm gonna pick just a few right now. Maybe I'll have to tell ya more of 'em later.

Connor Rule 1: When your human goes to the potty, go runnin' in there as fast as ya can and jump past her onto the counter. If ya don't have a counter, then whatever surface ya can jump on. Scares my mommy every time. She mumbles some stuff and I think she's saying bad words.

Connor Rule 2: If your human goes to the potty and closes the door, slam your body into the door repeatedly while talkin' really loud. She tells me to stop it but I pretend I'm deaf. If there's a crack under the door, stick your paw way under it and find sumpin' to grab. Mommy tells me she didn't go nowhere and she's still in there. I don't know why she says that cause I already know that, duh!

Connor Rule 3: When your human is tryin' to write, run from clear across the room fast as ya can and fly onto the couch landin' right on their legs. It's always good for a scream and more bad words I can't repeat here.

Connor Rule 4: Mommy loves it when I do this one. When she starts walkin' in the kitchen or sumpthin', I throw myself on the floor and get all cute, do that stretchy thing and pullin' myself on the fuzzy floor. Guaranteed to make your human go "Awww, he's bein' cute!" and get lots of good scritchers on your back.

Connor Rule 5: Sit and stare really, really hard. They don't like that at all. Mommy tries to ignore me, but I stare harder. Then she starts to squirm. Then she keep lookin' over and sayin' stop it. Then she tries to stare too and I look at the floor till she stops and then go back to starin'. You can play this game for a long time if you're majorly bored.

Well, them's all the ones for now. It's sumpin' for every kitty to do to have lots of fun with the humans. Let me know if they work for ya too!