Conservative Cafe vs. Bikini Barista at Espresso Gone Wild

Have you ever stood in front of a Starbucks counter and wondered what the heck all these endless names stood for...much less how to pronounce them? Have you gotten sick of the latest pseudo intellectual performance artist who suddenly jumped out of his seat at an unnamed coffee house only to recite some inane poetry that would make a Buddhist see justifiable homicide in a whole new light? I know I have. Starbucks be warned: the coffee houses for us are coming! The current contenders are the Conservative Cafe versus the bikini barista at Espresso Gone Wild.

The Conservative Café at 201 North Main Street in Crown Point, Indiana, might be the place for you. Owned by Dave Beckham and Bill McCall, the establishment markets itself as a haven for those who had enough of the hoity-toity attitude the morning cup of Joe has taken on in the majority of chain coffee departments where baristas with an attitude will dish up the liquid caffeine.

Using Republicanism as a clever marketing gimmick, the owners of the Conservative Café - one of whom is a Democrat, or so the Boston Herald reports - display the wares of Ann Coulter, replace earsplitting folksy tunes with fair and balanced Fox News, and offer up basic American coffee without all the trappings; best of all, with the tongue-in-cheek humor that is sure to keep the would-be poets and singers out, this is a safe environment for those who just need a little something to get going.

Then of course there is expresso gone wild at the Belfair, Washington, Espresso Gone Wild stand that features front and center the bikini barista. In a recent ruling the purveyors of coffee that is served with a lot more than a smile have to dress or else go out of business. The PNW Local News reports that what smacked of erotic entertainment drew so many complaints that city fathers issued the "dress up or else" ruling. In tune with the Cowgirls Espresso theme, the quality of the coffee was soon forgotten; especially when the ladies bent over to retrieve some dropped coins.

With recent Starbucks closing and more on the way, it is obvious: Americans have had their fill of the chain coffee shop that banked on pretentiousness and sought to perpetuate the stereotypical coffeehouse vibe. We no longer want to have to learn French or Italian just to order a cup of Joe, and we don't want to be regaled with ill chosen lyrics and badly written poetry.

We don't want to spend a small fortune on something that cost a few pennies to put together. Last but not least, we don't want to have a Starbucks inside a Starbucks to meet our caffeine addiction fix. I believe that the times of Starbucks have passed and the times of the innovative coffeehouse with a twist have arrived - again.

Sources:
http://www.conservativecafe.com/
http://news.bostonherald.com/news/national/midwest/view/2008_08_05_Coffee_with_a_conservative_kick/srvc=home&position=recent
http://www.pnwlocalnews.com/news/26290964.html
http://www.cowgirlsespresso.com/about.php