Consider Writing to a Woman Prisoner as Her Pen Pal

Why anyone would want to befriend a man or woman in prison is beyond me, but there are plenty who do, and plenty of Internet sites more than willing to make it happen. Not only are there hundreds of web sites, there is actually a web ring of pages offering to connect lonely pen pals with potentially unapproachable companions. All require that the user confirm (or agree) that they are at least 18 years of age.

I reviewed dozens of pictures, taken in what appear to be relaxed surroundings in civilian clothes (presumably less scary than prison garb). Some sites even feature inmates that desperately need mail¹. Who determines that status, I can only imagine.

One site clearly states that despite the reason for imprisonment, "we all have unbearable loneliness and an aching desire for friendship."² I would have thought that reason would be a deterrent to committing or being caught committing a crime. In fact, on the site is a comment that states "…some…spend as much as 23 hours a day in their cell…" Anyone who's watched MSNBC Live Lock-Up series knows that someone spending all but one hour a day in a cell isn't lonely, they're downright dangerous. Why anyone would choose to extend their mailing address and/or information to someone who cannot even mingle within the population of a prison is something I just don't understand.

One site is advertising to find couples that met on their site. Some sites list particular prisons, some list by state. Interestingly enough, New Hampshire, which houses a large women's prison, had no pen pals listed at all on at least one of the sites claiming to have male prisoners in the state.

Cellblockmail.com³ has pictures on their home page that resemble boudoir photos. Where were these taken? Pictured in bikinis or jeans, sexy or plain, this is a site offering free personal ads to women in prison. Some women are looking for men, some for women, and some are looking for either sex. I suppose it doesn't matter, if you're never getting out, but I must admit, this site made me very uncomfortable. Perhaps because these women looked like anyone's next door neighbor. Dress anyone up and they can look nice. I couldn't help wonder what determined the distinction between minimum, medium, and high security. Anyone browsing the ads has access to that information, as well. Are high security women in higher or lower demand than medium?

Womenbehindbars.com (WBB)⁴ claims to be a "professional service" providing information on women incarcerated in America. I clicked on the featured profile of Debby, and found the expected information, including that she was "straight," and "looking for a man of any age." However, she has a "No Answer" next to the question about whether she has children. My guess is that she's not Mother of the Year. Does her incarceration have anything to do with the fact that "No Answer," may at one time have been "Yes" ?

At Meet-An-Inmate.com⁵, buried in the Frequently Asked Questions is a hyperlink to www.inmatesplus.com to determine what crime(s) an inmate has committed. But, really, do you care whether someone is in for dealing crack cocaine and not murdering her kid? If you've already resorted to writing to someone in jail, and you are ok that they are in jail, what the heck does it matter why? What if they get released? Will that be good or bad? Do you actually want them to contact you?

Womendoingtime.com (WDT)⁶ adds some compassion to their website…"Our mission is to resurrect hope in the weary hearts of women doing time in prisons all across America." Looking at Mary's profile leaves little doubt about one of the reasons she may be imprisoned, although she is a Licensed Massage Therapist. Ok, Mary, thanks for sharing.

LadiesofthePen.com⁷ resembles a porn site, at least at first glance. In fact, the text in Phyllis's profile is of a very sexual nature. This web site even allows you to send a gift to a prisoner, although I did not go so far as to inquire what constitutes a gift-I really didn't want to know.

PrisonPenpals.com⁸ has an interesting disclaimer. "If you have a pen pal from Florida, please do not mention in your correspondence that you found their name or saw their ad on a pen pal site. The Florida Department of Corrections is trying to keep their inmates from getting pen pals and in some instances are causing problems for the inmates." Well, good for them.

Searching Prison Pen Pals on Yahoo.com will bring up jailbabes.com, inmate.com, prisonerlife.com, friendsbeyondthewall.com, womeninprison.com, friendsonbothsides.com, lostvault.com, and others. These are not strictly women's sites. Some of the resources already mentioned in this article make up the 23 total listings.

A Google search of Prisoners and Inmates will return a page full of responses, some of which have already been discussed. Let's not forget inmatesforyou.com

Prison Pen pal Inmate ads has a women's section. The first profile brings up Sandi, a divorced mother of five on death row. She enjoys the outdoors, picnicking, hiking, taking pictures. Sounds like Sandi is a perfect 10-not!

So, if you have all the time and postage in the world and want to write to someone that you probably wouldn't bring around your friends, family, or children, look them up and have a ball. I found far more sites than I was expecting, and I still can't come to terms that there are people on the outside that want to write to prisoners they have never met.

I do understand if there is someone of local or national notoriety that you want or need to know for whatever reason, and you feel writing a letter or two might answer your questions. I even understand if you were married or engaged to someone before they were put in prison and intend to continue the relationship while they are in prison or jail.

However, to write to someone you don't know, you've never met, and don't have any information about (can you trust what information they provide?), doesn't make sense. I view this to be as dangerous as predators making arrangements to meet underage kids in person from contacts they've made online. Even adults who meet online first and then meet in person aren't very safe. The only thing they have in common is a computer.

If you have no life and want to continue that way, I suppose you might as well have a relationship with someone that either doesn't have one anyway, or will create havoc for yours when they get out.

Please be careful, and heed a warning I've recently adopted. "Have an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out."