Considerations Before Adopting

Deciding to have my own child was not a conscious decision. Had I waited for the time to be perfect, I would most likely still be waiting. I was 25, living on my own for many years, and am now very happy that he is a part of my life. He is not only my son, but my best friend, my confidant, my playmate, and my inspiration. One day, upon reflecting on my life, an idea cropped into my head. Why not become a foster parent, and share this joy with another child that needs someone to love them. It seemed a simple enough plan. My excitement built and I started sharing with my friends and family. I fully expected them to pat me on the back, tell me it was a great idea and they would support me in it. That is not what I received.

Instead, everyone seemed concerned on how this would affect my child. It is well known that many children in foster cares have suffered abuse and not all are well-adjusted. All sorts of "what ifs" started popping from people's mouths. What if the kid is violent? What if he doesn't get along with your son? What if you son feels neglected by not getting all of the attention? I got every reason in the world not to bring another child into my home. I found myself dwelling on the fears everyone had begun placing in my head. Maybe they're right. Maybe I can't handle another child. Maybe I won't be able to give all the love and attention they need. Maybe my son won't get so much of my time. I won't be able to go out as much. I'll have to be more careful on what I do and say around this child. It will completely change not only my life, but my child's as well. He is almost 5 and is my only child. He will have to learn to share his room, his toys, and his mother!

Before I got too carried away on everyone else's fears, I sat down to think about it. I must admit, they were all right. My son might get punched in the head a few times, my social life could disappear. This child might not even want to be here, and totally resent us for all the sacrifices we are making for him. There were plenty of negatives to think about. When I got to the positive, I could only come up with one reason that I should even consider doing this. Somewhere out there is a child, who through no fault of their own, does not have a family to love them. I could give that love. I could make a difference in someone else's life.

Of course, we are talking about bringing a child into a "family" and that concerns more than just me. I had a long talk with my four year old about letting another child live with us. I explained to him that some kids don't have a mommy and daddy to take care of them, and they need someone else to be their mother. I explained how this child would live with us, would share his room with him, and he couldn't send him home if they had a fight. After listening to me for a while, my son just looked at me with his big blue eyes and said " Mommy, I promise I'll keep my room clean so that he can stay here with us" I have never been prouder of my son than I was at that moment. He was completely selfless and totally prepared to share everything he had with some stranger, just so that stranger would have somewhere to call home.

It was at that moment that all my fears were washed away. I have done a great job raising my child, and I will continue to do a great job no matter what. I have no reason to worry that my son will think I love him less, or be concerned that I'm not spending enough time with him. He will too busy being a brother and giving his own love to this needy child to ever think how it affects him. I have now made my decision and begun the process to become a foster parent. I am keeping my son informed every step of the way. We talk daily about how our life will change once we have another child with us, so there won't be too many surprises in store. He has even begun to keep his room clean!