Considerations Before Getting Married

Would you be willing to marry someone who lies to you?

Are you willing to marry someone who says, "We'll be married for a few years and then maybe we'll find other partners"?

I expect you answers, "NO!" to these questions. But in America today half the people who get married are saying "yes" to at least one of the above questions.

If the answers to the above are "no", that means that divorce is NEVER an option. When we get married we promise "to death do us part." So we can only get a divorce if: we lied when we made that promise, or we took the meaning of these words to be something other than physical death.

Point #1 - What this tells us is that we need to be very careful about who we select as our lifelong partner. Making a good decision before marriage, reduces the heartaches and problems after marriage. Getting married is not like buying a car or even a house. THIS IS A LIFELONG COMMITMENT.

For example, don't get married JUST for love; don't be blinded by love - marry someone whom you can live with, for the rest of your life. There is more to marriage than romantic feelings.

Don't marry someone and expect them to change after you are married, they won't.

Point #2 - Answering "yes" to the above two questions tells us that divorce is not an option. If we stick to our promises, and agree that "till death do us part" means physical death, divorce is not an option. Don't try to spin it to say, "I meant until the death of our love." Nor does it mean "Until we've grown apart and our relationship has died."

The common understanding of the promise, "until death do we part" is that it means our physical death. If you meant anything else when you made that promise, you should have made your meaning clear to your partner before you got married.

Based on this, when there are problems in our marriage (and there will be many serious problems) our focus can only be on making the marriage work, and not on doing things that harm our marriage. That is the only optionNow on Divorce

Did you know that the United States is ranked the highest in the Country on Divorce? 4.95 per 1,000 people get divorced. Do you think the divorce rate has increased because of a relaxing of the "rules" in many religions, or perhaps it's just that divorce is much easier now than it ever was before?

Divorce is a time of crisis and it can feel devastating. It is a time when everything feels crazy and uncertain. We struggle with feeling out of control, angry, lonely, guilty, hopeless and helpless.

Divorce affects the children the most, no matter how you are feeling about it your children will suffer the most.

One of the most damaging aspects of divorce consistently emphasized by researchers, mental health professionals and family courts is parental conflict. When children are exposed to parent's heated debates, badmouthing, insults and high conflict situations, they suffer tremendously. Children literally view themselves as half mom and half dad. Therefore, if they hear negative information or comments about one parent, kids tend to view it as something bad about them. This can greatly affect a child's self image and self esteem.

Although parents are usually not thrilled to hear this, it is very true. Despite the fact that your relationship as a married couple has ended, your roles as Mom and Dad will continue for a lifetime. Children function best when they are able to have a nurturing, supportive relationship with BOTH parents. Even after your children are grown, plan on them wanting both of you to be involved in holidays, graduations, weddings and the birth of grandchildren. Parenting is a lifetime commitment and your children have a right to have both of you actively involved in their lives.

When we as parent's are considering a divorce why don't we stop and look at how it will affect our children and try the alternatives. Once upon a time you had fallen in love with the person you are now considering divorcing. Unless your relationship has been abusive or an adulterous one. You should seek out as many methods as possible to avoid getting divorced.

The courts have made it so easy to obtain a divorce. The laws should change. There are some valid reason's for divorce, like abuse, and adultery. But many today aren't getting divorcees based on valid reasons and the laws should change because of that. If you had to serve some time in jail or pay huge penalties wouldn't you try to work things out? If you had to give up everything you own would you try to work things out? If you had went to get married and asked yourself the first questions in this article would you have gotten married. If you had went to get married and before you could get your license the person marrying you said you have to sign an agreement that if you ever file for divorce you will have to pay fines or loose things that you own. Would you get married?
Why aren't we putting the pressure on the courts to change the current laws about divorce and marriage so our children don't have to suffer.