Considering Proposing on Valentine's Day?

After having remarried; in a healthy marriage of over 4 years, as I look back on my Valentine's Day proposing to my ex-husband (even though we'd already been married) I can now clearly see the flaws to my old line of thinking. My ex-husband had chosen to propose on Valentine's Day but he failed to create a happy memory. So when life presented me with what I felt was a great opportunity to literally show him a proper Valentine's Day proposing I left out no detail. I wanted to show him that he was my king and that I was his dedicated, attentive life partner and wanted to marry him all over again.

A little history:

After cohabitating with my ex-husband for 3 months (against the wishes of my parents) he finally grew a set and thought that a cliché Valentine's Day proposing would create the memory of a lifetime for us. Though we'd never shopped for engagement rings specifically, I made it very clear when I moved in with him (because he could not stand the idea of not knowing where I was if I was not lying in bed next to him every night) I expected to become his wife. It apparently took him that length of time to earn enough money to purchase an engagement ring that he felt would be acceptable.

What he did right:

1. He did ask my father for permission to marry me. My parents took great offense to their daughter "living in sin" with him. So he did score points for demonstrating that he was trying to make amends with my parents.
2. He did take me to a very nice restaurant. Clich é , yes but still it sent the message that this was a special occasion.
3. He did get down on one knee during the actual Valentine's Day proposing.

What he did wrong:

1. He waited until after dinner, outside in the dark parking lot. It made his proposal seem like an after-thought or that he felt ashamed of proposing in front of other people. His Valentine's Day proposal left me to feel that he would not want the world to see him get down on one knee in front of the woman who would become the mother of his children.

I did accept his Valentine's Day proposal though I never told him, I was very disappointed. As time passed we decided that it would be in our best interest if he were to leave his career path of electrical design draftsman and take the test to become a licensed electrical contractor as his father and grandfather before. My family was also self-employed so I fully understood the sacrifices as well as benefit potential for such a career move. I was also a very capable administrative assistant so I knew that I had the necessary skill set to make our electrical contracting company successful. The fact that I would work for us from home was also appealing in that I could pull my weight as business partner while attending to the rigors of stay-at-home parenthood. But this yielded a seemingly silly dilemma: my husband couldn't risk damaging the expensive wedding band with channel set diamonds that I'd gifted him on our wedding day now that he would no longer be spending all of his time "merely pushing a pencil." As Valentine's Day approached I thought, "What better way to demonstrate to him how a proper Valentine's Day proposing should be executed than to show him myself?"

So I put my plan into motion; everything a total surprise to him. I purchased an inexpensive plain band of gold. Not only did I make reservations to the same restaurant where he had proposed to me on Valentine's Day but I ordered everything ahead of time from pre-dinner drinks to desserts. I didn't say a word to my husband when the day came, just told him, "Get dressed up. I'm taking you out." He was shocked at how differently we were treated even though it was the same restaurant. I had informed the staff of my plans of proposing on Valentine's Day to a man whom I had already married. Everyone was very eager to join and assist in this genuine celebration of my love for my husband. We were immediately shown our table. Drinks appeared shortly thereafter and then the entire meal seemed to appear like magic. He kept commenting that everything was exactly what he would have ordered. He was amazed. And the piece de resistance : I had the staff hide the ring in his dessert. It was placed into one of the two chocolate heart-shaped cups filled with mousse. As he kept eating I became nervous because I couldn't see the ring. I thought perhaps there was a mistake and the ring was either placed in one of my dessert cups or that this most important detail was altogether neglected. And then I saw the outline of the ring in what would be the last spoonful of his mousse and breathed a silent sigh of relief. I thought my husband would see it before he put it into his mouth. But he didn't and nearly broke a tooth. Quite shocked he spit the ring into his napkin. I immediately got up from my seat and cleaned the ring with my own lips in a fashion that was sensual yet still appropriate considering our surroundings. I then got down on both knees before him in front of the restaurant as I delivered what I felt was a proper Valentine's Day proposing. I said to him, "If I had to, I would I to do it all over again. I wouldn't change a thing. I would still gladly spend the rest of my days on my knees for you; for our family." The restaurant burst into applause and congratulatory cheers which grew exponentially once I told them that we were already married.

Back to the present:

Though I've gotten no Valentine's Day proposal from my current husband, he doesn't merely go through the motions of what he thinks will be the minimum effort necessary on his part to make it seem like he cares about my feelings either. He treats me like I am the only woman alive every single day and he isn't ashamed to say and/or demonstrate his feelings whether we are alone, in the company of others or if he is in the company of others in my absence. My husband Dale has taught me with his words and deeds that there is nothing a real man wouldn't bear, sacrifice or struggle through to make his wife the happiest woman on earth. But most importantly I've learned that a real man would never allow his wife to get on her knees (literally or figuratively) in order to make him feel loved or supported. As a matter of fact, a real man of honor and integrity would question what he did in order to make his wife feel that this behavior would be desirable to him.

So bear in mind this wisdom that I now pass on to you if you feel that proposing on Valentine's Day is in your future, whether you will be the recipient or the provider.

"My first husband was a lesson. My last husband is a gift." - Mrs. Emilia Zsuzsanna Rak

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