Contacts: An Anecdote

"Never put anything in your eyes!" my mom cautioned. I think this is something every mother said at one point or another. Of course, there's the risk of infection, of contracting the flu or God knows what else. Two days ago, there was a sort of grown-up irony in the whole thing. After nine years of wearing glasses, I finally decided to give contacts a try.

Following the usual eye exam, I was fitted for contacts and given a trial pair to put in. The girl who works at the store instructed me to wash my hands thoroughly (I do so probably more than anyone should anyway) and proceeded to show me how to insert and remove a contact lens. It took me probably close to an hour to get the hang of it. It involves taking a contact lens, placing it on the tip of your index finger, holding your eye open with both hands, and using the index finger to place the contact directly on your eyeball.

It sounds horrid, and at first, it was. I had to place and remove the contact three times before I could leave. I had a hard time grasping the fact that I had to touch my eye and it was against all of my natural reflexes to do so. My eyes would flinch and then instinctively clinch shut, like the mouth of an alligator. I had to hold my eyes closed and wait for the stinging to subside. I wasn't doing it right. The contact must be placed on the iris for it to grasp properly. If it's not centered, it'll fall out. I ruined two contacts in this practice process. I finally got it in after twenty minutes...except I put my right contact in my left eye. What a newbie mistake!

I was forced to remove my right contact and then insert that into my right eye before taking my left contact and putting it in my left eye. By the time I was done, my eyes were terribly irritated. I looked like I had contracted quite a gruesome case of pink eye. After repeating this process three times, I was finally granted release. Walking outside, it was quite a trip to be able to see without glasses. It was rather cool.

Two days later, there's still a bit of newbie madness. I placed my contact in my left eye on the first try. The right took a bit longer. I did get it though, and I now have a piece of plastic in each eye. My glasses now sit lonely on my dresser, looking longingly towards the ceiling as the contacts get to see the world.