Conversation: Five Steps to Becoming More Interesting Company

I knew a guy in highschool who was one of the most brilliant people one could ever hope to meet. He scored a 1530 on his SATs, recieved a scholarship in Aeronautical Engineering, and made it to level twenty-three in Tetris on a Ti-83 calculator. Tragically, he was born without any social graces and could barely carry a conversation.

Social science has seen many advances since then, however, and people like my old friend can now be helped. There is a cure. The following list is a result of years of social experiments conducted by myself and a team of my colleagues in coffee houses and mall foodcourts.

1) Eye Contact- You've heard this before. I hope so, atleast. Eye contact is unquestionably the most important aspect of any encounter. It displays a immense amount of personal interest and concern. On whatever primal level our minds interpret social signals, looking someone in the eye is understood to be a proof of honesty and dignity. If you want someone to respect you, and to show that you respect them, this is how you do it.

2) Shut Up and Listen- This is pretty straight foward. If you don't know what to say, good. Ask a question. Listen to the response and base the subsequent conversation off of that. People love to talk about themselves. It's not self-centered, it's human. Familliar topics are comfortable topics. Get them talking about them and find out if you have common ground. This still requires a bit of wit and charm, but I have faith in you. This is a great segway to the next point, which is...

3) Avoid Talking about Yourself- Remember, the conversation is about the other person. Try to avoid using the pronouns "I," "me," and "myself." Obviously, sharing personal opinions is required but that is not necessarily talking about yourself. If they ask you a personal question, answer it, and turn it back to them. Think of it in terms on tennis. Keep the conversational ball in their court.

4) Do Not Use Conversational Ticks- If you could articulate a nervous twitch, this would be it. It usually takes the form of words such as "like," "well," or "ya know." They are a waste of time and breath and accomplish nothing. Too many of these will force the other person to become annoyed and to lose interest. Which is a bad thing.

5) Do Not Introduce your Comments- As soon as someone asks "Can I say something?" the brain says "No" and tunes out. Say what you have to say succintly and move on. Along with this, do not quiz them on what you've said. "Did you hear what I just said?" or "Did you like that?" are conversational suicide and suicide is never the answer.

To be sure, these five points are not all that's required. Many other aspects need to be considered but this is a start. Together, we can beat this.