Conversations with My Father

"I accept things for what they are", rolls off the tongue in a liberating sort of way. It feels refreshing, exhilarating and can be the sweetest thing one has ever known after a long struggle trying to bring about an unnatural change. Yes, acceptance is an absolutely amazing thing to achieve but the reality is it's often easier said than done. Accepting someone or something means that despite how much you dislike their attributes you are willing to either love or leave them as is.

Please join my father and me, as the value of acceptance is explored in "Conversations with my Father Session Two".

1. What is your biggest failure in your career, parenting or life? How did you overcome it?

D. Lester Morgan: At one point in my life, I did not live in harmony with myself and God. This manifested itself in me not taking advantage of opportunities. In doing so, I lost my concept of time. Nevertheless, I could always hear the elders in the back of my mind saying that you know better. Through prayer and exercise, I was able to redirect my life.

A.M. Morgan: My biggest challenge has been in realizing that being who you are means that some will not accept you. I often struggle with concealing my thoughts and true feelings because of the conflict I think it will bring. I now understand that having a point of view sometimes means disagreeing with others. You spoke of being in harmony with yourself and God; I would say to me that means I will no longer fight my true self.

2. How did you gain an understanding of the definition of manhood and how was your transition into accepting all the responsibilities that come along with it?

D. Lester Morgan: In growing up, I was taught that a man is supposed to be a provider. This meant to me getting an education and finding a good job. I was never taught the spiritual aspects of being a man. Later years taught me that in order to develop holistically spirituality has to be a part of it.

A.M. Morgan: A male friend of mine once shared with me to let a man love you the best way he knows how not in a fairytale or idealistic kind of way. He went on further to say that women often have an unrealistic view of what a real man is. I now understand men often battle with fulfilling society's definition of manhood and satisfying a woman's expectation of what a man should be.

3. If you could relive any moment in your life what would that moment be?

D. Lester Morgan: I don't think that I would want to relive any moment in my life. Life has been rather kind to me. I cherish the memories good and bad and they have molded me into the person that I am.

A.M. Morgan: I live for the moments of clarity when I can relax and allow my life to write its own music. I had to learn to let go and let God because trying to control everything just slows down my progress. I still have a lot of growing up to do. I can honestly say to myself age doesn't always equal maturity for me.

4. How did you mother help shape who you are?

D. Lester Morgan: My mother had a quiet demeanor. She taught me patience and humility. She was well read and I developed my love for reading from her.

A.M. Morgan: My mother is very reserved and in many ways so am I. The most beautiful thing about my mother is that she is caring and compassionate. She is genuinely concerned for others safety and well being. I just love the way she manages to bounce back despite all the challenges in life she is faced with. All of these things help shape my spirit to possess resilience.

5. You are the youngest and only boy with three sisters. What did you learn from your sisters?

D. Lester Morgan: My sisters taught me what a woman looks for in a man. I was taught to be well groomed, mannerable, well read and to have a little finesse.

A.M. Morgan: I am an only child but I have several cousins whom I have formed strong bonds with. Growing up as an only child, I had a tendency to think it was my world until I had my first reality check. Financially, we faced many setbacks while I was growing up and I had to realize the importance of sharing with others.

6. While growing up I noticed that you had many acquaintances and friends of different backgrounds. When did you learn the importance of embracing diversity?

D. Lester Morgan: Prior to my graduation from high school I had lived in a segregated society growing up in the South. I learned diversity when I entered college and it opened up a new world for me. Upon joining the Air Force I was able to travel the world over. Diversity makes you a better person and gives you a competitive edge.

A.M. Morgan: I attended private schools throughout my education most of which were historically African American. However, all of my teachers were multicultural which exposed me to different cultures of music, history and literature. I've come to understand that no matter what ethnicity or culture, people are in some way seeking love and acceptance. Diversity is centered in acceptance within a culture of inclusiveness.

7. I just read an alarming statistic, "According to figures published online by The Administration for Children and Families (ACF) Healthy Marriage Initiative, 42 percent of Black adults are married compared to 61 percent of white adults and 59 percent of Hispanic adults". The reality is that several black households are often headed by a single black female. If we set these statistics aside, what has led to the decline of the black family in what you have seen in the past 20 years?

D. Lester Morgan: I think that inequality of wealth and inappropriate behavior is destroying the black family. (Divorce, Murder, Incarceration, The Aids Epidemic are just a symptom.) Our spending habits have made us slaves to credit. We live in a celebrity crazed culture. The media depicts a pernicious and harmful stereotype of black males. Whenever our young men internalize these stereotypes it's more dangerous then anything they get on the streets. It is very alarming to hear young people say that marriage is for white people. Marriage and family is the fabric of any society.

A.M. Morgan: I think an individual is directly influenced by the examples seen while growing up. If the person has experienced abandonment he or she may become resentful and may not choose to break this cycle with their own family. This is not to say that if you grow up without a mother or father you cannot remain positive despite your upbringing. I love the African proverb that says, "It takes a village to raise a child." I am who I am because of the love and attentiveness of my parents, grandparents, mentors and teachers who always steered me in the right direction.

8. You seem to really enjoy the music of Marvin Gaye. Is there something about his life or music that you can identify with?

D. Lester Morgan: Marvin Gaye reflected the time of my growth. (What's Going On & War is Hell) Marvin used his music as a catharsis for relieving the anxieties caused by irrational suppression and assertion of the black ego. Very little has changed, we are still living in a decadent society and his music is relevant today.

A.M. Morgan: I love that Marvin Gaye was honest in his expressions and frustrations as a man in love and at war within himself. He explored the issues of society and was courageous enough to ask, "What's going on in the world around him?"

9. Any last words of wisdom to share?

D. Lester Morgan: Live everyday like it is your last and learn like you are going to live forever.

A.M. Morgan: Your worst critic lies within. Learn to recognize when an obstacle is really there or it's just one you have created inside your mind.

Thanks for stopping by and reading Conversations with my Father Session Two. Your comments are greatly appreciated.